Hello Friends,
Who remembers full-service gas stations? At a full-service gas station you would pull up to the pump and a bell would ring signaling the attendant someone was there. They would come out of the store and you would tell them how much gas you wanted. They would pump your gas for you and you could pay them. You didn’t have to get out of your car unless you just wanted to. You would leave with your needs met so you could continue on your journey without any mishap.
In the south where we live they are pretty much a thing of the past. If you want gas now you have to get out and pump it yourself, but the concept is the same. You pull up to the station with a need that needs to be met. The need is filled and you continue on your journey.
Now Imagine…
Now imagine with me if you will. You pull up to a gas station in need of gas, and you find that the pumps won’t work. You go inside to find out what is going on and the attendant is uninterested in your need or helping you to fill it. They do not care that you have a need or at least it does not appear they care. What do you do?
You get in your car and go somewhere that has what you need right? I bet you would not just stay at the gas station where nothing is happening. You go somewhere and find someone who can help you, and chances of you returning to that station would be slim to none.
What is True for Cars is True for Marriages
Humans are a lot like cars. We have a tank that needs to be filled. Instead of gas, we have innate needs that we require to keep us going and functioning in our healthiest ways. These are not selfish or foolish. It is the way every human being was created and whether or not we want to admit it we all have these NEEDS and they are important.
In marriage, we have been given a great responsibility and the honor to be one of the most important people in our spouse’s life. We get to be the one who fills our spouse’s tank to the best of our ability. Can we totally fill every need our spouse will have? No, only God can completely fill someone but we can be the second most important person to our spouse and fill their needs to the best of our ability.
Marriage Drive Offs!
Unfortunately, we have marriages that are falling apart for the simple fact that one or both people are not getting their needs met. They are running on empty and eventually they will find a way to be filled whether it is with their spouse or not.
Just like in a full-service station our spouses are ringing those bells daily giving us the opportunity to fill them up. If no one comes to them or when they go in they are meet with indifference eventually they will drive off. Innate needs are needs that will be met, it just comes down to who will meet them.
How sad it is that marriages are ending because of something that can so easily be changed.
How Do We Change This?
When it comes to our spouse and our marriage let’s take on the full-service mentality. Let’s make it our jobs to fully meet our spouses needs to the absolute best of our ability. There are several ways we can do this BUT for simplicity’s sake, let’s use this blog to focus on two. Two intentionally changes that can totally change your marriage.
Learn your spouse’s love language.
The easiest way to start meeting your spouse’s needs is to find out what they are. One way we can do this is by learning our spouse’s love language. There are 5 love languages and everyone has a dominant one. The languages are- acts of service, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, and gifts. These are the ways a person gives and received love.
To find our what yours and your spouse’s love languages are take the quiz for free by clicking here.
Start speaking it daily.
Once you know what language they speak, start speaking it!
- If they are acts of service starting doing things for them. Take out the trash or crank their car on a cold morning.
- For quality time people, put your phones down and watch a movie or have dinner together.
- Our physical touch people would love for you to hold their hand, or put your arm around them.
- If words of affirmation are what your spouse needs, seek out ways daily to build them up with your words.
- Finally, for our gifts people, it amazing what a surprise Reese’s cup and their favorite drink can accomplish!
There are two great things about love languages.
- They are not hard or expensive to speak! You can speak your spouse’s love language fluently every day and never break a sweat or spend a dime.
- Once you start speaking the correct language you are filling their tanks properly which leads to a healthier and happier marriage, because both you and your spouse will not be running on empty.
What Would Happen???
Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak]. Ephesians 4:29
What would happen if we applied Ephesian 4 to our marriages? What would happen if everything we said and did was from a posture of meeting the needs of our spouse instead of hurting and tearing them down?
I believe we would see divorce rates plummet and then become non-existence!
Why not now?
Why not start with your marriage?
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
For more information about the 5 Love Languages check out our blog, “Marriage and the Five Love Language“.