In our last blog, we talked about the importance of getting on the same frequency in your marriage so that you can communicate your love fully to your spouse. Identifying your spouse’s love language is a great place to start because it is an easy way of speaking love to your spouse. I hope that you have gone to https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ and taken the love language test. If not, take a few moments, and go and do that now!
The Five Love Languages
On this blog, we are going to go over each of the love languages and give you some do’s and don’ts on how to speak them! At the end of this blog, you will have 5 ways to effectively speak your spouse’s correct love language, and things to avoid altogether. Let’s get start!
Acts of Service
The person that speaks this language responds to any thoughtful and unconditional acts of service. When you take something off their plate or do something just because you know they would like it, it speaks volumes to them.
The Do’s
- Answer the Call
- If there is something that your spouse has asked you to do, do it quickly and with a good idea! Although acts of service is their love language, asking for help may not be easy for them to do. If they ask you for help, help them. By doing what they ask you will be loving them well.
- Surprise Them
- You earn bonus points if they do not have to ask you to help them. If they come home to something completed them it will carry move weight
The Don’ts
- No Strings Attached
- The act of service should not be contingent on them doing something in return. If there are ulterior motives then it is not a genuine act of service
Quality Time
A person that speaks quality time just wants to be in your presence. They enjoy one on one time whether it be doing something or staying at home. The main object during this time is being present with them.
The Do’s
- Quality over Quantity
- Make sure that this is time well spent.
- Give them your undivided attention.
- Do something that you both enjoy.
- Make sure that this is time well spent.
- Be Intentional
- Carve out time to spend with them
- This could be daily or weekly but once it is set, protect that time by honoring it.
- Put away anything (ahem phones) that could distract you or divert your attention.
- Carve out time to spend with them
The Don’ts
- Don’t waste time
- All-time is not a good time. Make these moments count. If you spend time with them begrudgingly or distracted this will do more harm than good.
Words of Affirmation
We can use our words to speak love to our spouse, but this goes way further than just an occasional “I love you”. If your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, a timely, genuine compliment can go a long way.
The Do’s
- Be genuine
- Just saying meaningless words will not work. People who speak this language will quickly pick up on the fact that you are just saying words, just to say them. Study your spouse. Find good qualities in them and speak that over them. Brag on their strengths and encourage them when they work on their weaknesses.
- Speak publicly and privately
- Saying affirming things to just your spouse is great, but brag on them in public. If there is a way you can build up your spouse in front of others go for it!
The Don’ts
- Don’t become a broken record.
- What spoke love once may not work every time. Find something new to tell them. Find a different way to say the same thing. Just don’t become mindless in this.
Physical Touch
This love language is commonly misunderstood. Although physical touch can lead to other things, this language is not completely sexual. Physical touch means any form of touch. A hug, holding hands, a shoulder pat, any kind of contact between two people counts.
The Dos
- Seize the Moment
- Find a way to touch your spouse in everyday moments.
- Hold their hands as you are driving down the road or watching a movie
- Hug them first thing when you get home!
- Find a way to touch your spouse in everyday moments.
- Set the Mood
- Give them a massage or a foot rub as a prerequisite to intimacy
- Taking the time to make them feel loved instead of just going straight to sex will not only make them feel loved but it will pay off for you as well 😉
The Don’ts
- Never Use Touch Inappropriately
- Do not use physical touch to push your own agenda.
- Only touching your spouse when you want sex in remember will not speak love to them effectively.
- Don’t use touch as a way of being domineering. Abuse is never ok! Period! Pushing, shoving, and being aggressive with your spouse is wrong all the way around. Don’t turn a love language into a language of violence.
- Do not use physical touch to push your own agenda.
Gifts
Everyone loves to receive a gift from time to time, but for the person who speaks this language a gift, big or small, makes them feel loved and special.
The Do’s
- It is the thought that counts
- The size of the gift is not important. The person who speaks this language will feel just as much love with a thoughtful little gift as they do a big gift.
- Learn their Favorite things
- Take the time to learn about your spouse so that your gifts are thoughtful and personal. Again it is not the size but the thought.
The Don’ts
- Don’t use it as a bribe
- Treating your spouse anyway you want but then buying a gift to “make up for it” will not work. This is not a fix-it language, it is the way they receive love. Don’t mishandle it.
Love Deposits
We all have a love tank that needs to be filled every day. By taking the time to learn your spouse’s language, and then speaking it well, you will be filling their tank. We all know that someone running on a full tank is happier and more efficient than the person running on empty. This one thing can radically change your marriage! Everyone has one primary love language but some people speak multiple ones. Take the time to learn about your spouse and do things every day that fill their tank! Remember…
You may have fallen in love with your spouse at first sight, but you will spend the rest of your life trying to figure them out! What an adventure it will be!
Begin speaking their language!
Start filling their tank!
Love them well!
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
For more easy ways to improve your marriage by loving your spouse well check out https://abeautifuladventuremarriage.com/marriage-advice-for-2020/