Hello Friends,

We are almost three weeks into 2023… can you believe it?

The end of 2022 was wild for Alex and me. We made some big decisions as the year came to a close, both personally and for our ministry. We saw God move in amazing ways, and present opportunities for us, some of which we did not even have the capacity to dream about. If you follow us on social media, you have already heard about some of those new things, and we will keep sharing updates as the year goes on. We also went through a few hard weeks with some pain in our bodies that showed us our need for the Father. Through it all the Lord was good and faithful. He showed up and spoke to us in wild and beautiful ways, and we are so thankful. So, we are here and ready for everything 2023 has to offer.

Don’t be a Wisher in 2023

Although we are in a new year, with all new possibilities, realistically nothing will change unless we do things in a different way. We can do all the hoping and wishing we want to but without significant lifestyle change there will be no significant difference in your marriage.

The truth is there are a lot of people out there who wish their marriage was better. They see other couples and they wish they had what that couple has, but wishing is as far as it goes, which means nothing actually changes. When nothing changes typically that same couple will come up with excuses as to why nothing has changed, but at the end of the day, the real reason is wishing gets us nowhere.

Let’s not waste the time the Lord has given us in this new year wishing things would be better. Let’s spend our time actively making changes that will ensure that our marriage will grow in 2023.

3 Ways to Grow Your Marriage in 2023

We all know what the proper care is for a plant to grow. It needs good soil, water, and sun light. When a plant has those three elements there is no limit to the growth it can achieve. The same principles can be applied in your marriage. Your marriage needs proper care in order for it to grow and be healthy. When you invest in your marriage and care for it properly there are no limits to the growth and influence your marriage can achieve.

Now there are many ways you can invest in your marriage this year and there are tons of resources out there for you to use. We encourage you to tap into as many of those resources as possible. Every marriage is different, and calls for different action steps, so find the ways that work best for you and dive in.

We are going to use this blog as a starting point where everyone can begin.

Below are three ways you can begin to care for your marriage in 2023.

Practice Patience with Your Spouse

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

For some reason after people have been married for a while, it seems to be a common consensus that you no longer have to be patient with your spouse. As you examine your own relationship, you may find that you have way more patience with a complete stranger than you do with your own husband or wife. Our spouses should be getting the best of us which means they deserve to be shown the most patience not the least.

Now I get it, it is easy to get frustrated with your spouse. It is especially easy if certain behaviors happen a lot, or if things get forgotten on a regular basis. I am sure that if I asked you to tell me something that frustrates you about your spouse you could give me several examples.

We are not asking you to respond in a perfect way 100% of the time, and we are not asking you to ignore behavior that needs to be changed. However instead of losing your cool try to use your words to communicate the frustration in hopes to finding some resolution.

If there is something that is causing conflict between you and your spouse, patience does not mean you enable bad behavior. Practicing patience means you communicate and deal with the frustration in a calm manner. You talk to your spouse about what is bothering you and discuss ways to change it in a way that is not demeaning to them.

Practical Ways to Practice Patience

The next time something happens, and you are tempted to lose your patience.

Ask yourself this question…

Is this really a big deal?

If the answer is no, go on about your day. Don’t let little annoyances ruin your day and your marriage.

If the answer is yes, instead of being impatient and short with your spouse, find some time and have a calm conversation with them about what is bothering you. The goal here is to find resolution so you can both move forward.

Support Your Spouse in Both Big and Small Ways

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

Your spouse has hopes, dreams, interest, and hobbies just like everyone else. In the beginning of most relationships, we find all the differences about our spouse exciting and alluring. We want to hear everything about them, and we think everything is awesome. As time goes on, we tend lose interest. Especially if we do not share the interest or dream about the same things. However, we can support our spouse whether or not we agree with them or even understand them.

We have seen in a lot of marriages that both husbands and wives are guilty of being very negative toward the interest, dreams, and hobbies of their spouses. It’s like they feel the need to belittle these areas as often as possible.

I am not sure when this became acceptable, but it needs to stop, now.

Our marriage needs to be a safe space. A place we can go to and talk about our interest, hobbies, and dreams and not be cut down at the knees. We need to be our spouse’s number one support system. Because if they can’t come to us with the small things, they definitely will not come to us when big things arise.

Practical Ways to Support Your Spouse

When your spouse shares an interest, dream, or hobby with you, start by not being the first negative voice they hear. Even if you don’t understand it or even agree with it completely, don’t be negative first. Hear them out, and show interest first, then you can ask questions of clarity.

Bonus points if you can find a way to support them by doing the “interest, dream, or hobby” with them. Remember it doesn’t have to be your favorite thing for you to show support.

Care for Your Spouse’s Needs

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Romans 12:10

Let’s finish this blog up by talking about how to care for your spouse in this new year. Care is not a word you hear people using much in a marriage relationship. When we think about “taking care of” something or someone, most people usually think about something or someone who can’t do things themselves like animals, children, or the elderly. Although we do care for those, we can also care for our spouses.

One definition of care is to attach importance to something. We take care of things we think are valuable. That’s the kind of care I encourage you to show your spouse.

Your spouse and their needs are important. Our relationship with our spouse should only be second to our relationship with God, so let’s be intentional this year about taking care of our spouse.

Don’t know how to do that? Ask!

Sometime today, ask your spouse this- How can I care for you today?

Since this is something, you may have never asked don’t expect an answer immediately. Give them time to think about it, but when they give you an answer, go all in. Below are some ideas to get you started if your spouse doesn’t have an answer for you quickly.

Practical Ways to Care for Your Spouse

Make sex a priority this year. We all have physical needs, and this is one way that we can care for our spouses in an intimate way.

Take something off their plate. If there is something you can do for your spouse to lighten their load, show them you care by helping them out.

Speak their love language. Nothing speaks love and care like speaking your spouse’s love language. You can learn more about love languages by reading our blog- Marriage and the Five Love Languages.

Here’s to the New Year!

As we go into the new year, let’s leave wishing in 2022. Let’s stop using excuses; instead, let’s make it a point to intentionally invest in our marriage. Remember…with proper care your marriage will grow this year.

You can do this!

We are praying for you!