Hello Friends
In every marriage, there are thousands of decisions that must be made. Some decisions are very easy to make. You and your spouse may not even have to talk about it. The decision can just be made, and life can move on.
There are also recurring decisions like what groceries to buy or where should we go to eat that have to be made every week. Even though these decisions can become frustrating and monotonous, typically they can be made without much discussion or problem.
In other situations, a conversation must happen. The husband and wife come together and decide what is best for them and their families. If both agree upon everything this conversation isn’t a problem at all.
But what happens when you don’t agree on something?
Or worse yet, what if it’s a really hard decision, one that can negatively impact your marriage and family, if not handled correctly? Or what if neither the husband nor the wife knows automatically what the best answer would be in a specific situation?
These are the moments that are hard in marriage, even in a relationship where both the husband and the wife have each other’s best interests at heart. These are the moments when an instruction manual would be helpful.
We don’t have an instruction manual for every specific situation you will ever encounter in marriage, but we do have some wisdom that can help you and your spouse make a decision and you may not agree on what to do.
5 Steps to Take When Making Hard Decisions
Pause
There are times when decisions must be made quickly, but this is not the norm. In most cases, we put unnecessary stress on ourselves and our marriage by trying to make the decision as quickly as possible. Once you and your spouse have had a chance to talk about it, pause the conversation. Give yourself and your spouse some time to go through the next four steps to make a good decision.
The next three steps all work together. You go through them all simultaneously both with and without your spouse.
Ponder, Process, Repeat
In most situations, people spend the most time thinking about how they want to handle the situation. They are quick to dismiss anyone else’s opinion, and their spouse is no exception. However, if we are going to make a wise decision, one that will benefit our family the most, we must work together with our spouse.
Take the time to contemplate your spouse’s opinion. Asking them questions, and listening will not only make the decision easier to make but it will also strengthen the relationship.
In most cases, people just want to be heard and understood, especially in marriage. You may not go with their opinion but if you listen and treat them well through the process it won’t cause a problem later on.
Once both opinions have been communicated, take some time to process the information. Weight your options to figure out what would be the best decision. This step can take as little or as much time as you need. The main thing here is to just make sure you have all the information to make the best decision you can.
Pray
This is the most important step of all. We need to be prayerful about the decisions that we need to make. The truth is God wants to be a part of our lives. He wants to be a part of the little decisions as well as the big ones.
The Word tells us in James 1:5 that if we lack wisdom we should pray and ask for it. We serve a good God who wants to give us good gifts and wisdom is definitely one of them. Praying together with your spouse is a great way to deepen your connection as husband and wife. There is something very special about hearing your spouse talk to God. It is a great reminder that they do have your best interest at heart and want to do what is right for their families.
If praying is not something that you and your spouse do often check out The Greater than 11 Prayer Challenge. There are so many benefits to praying together with your spouse. This challenge will help you become intentional about praying together every day.
Proceed
The final step is acting on the decision you have made. If you take the time to really go through these steps with your spouse, you will be in a much better position to make a wise decision, even if it’s a hard one.
The best-case scenario is you and your spouse come to a full agreement through this process and you can proceed together. However, I have found that in the moments when the full agreement does not come, there is still peace. If I know that Alex has really thought about and prayed about something, it is easier for me to trust him even if I do not fully agree. I can do this because I fully trust he has my best interest at heart, he has spoken to the Father about it, and he would never make a decision that would intentionally hurt us.
Whether or not you come out on the same page or not, I can promise you that if you use these five steps in a positive way, they will bring you closer to each other. A trust and deepened connection will form between you and your spouse.
Bonus Tip:
Try to wait and only make a hard decision after you can eat and rest. This is just something Alex and I have realized in our personal lives. We do not make the best decisions if we are tired or hungry. Once we have gotten some food and some rest, we are in a much better place to make wise decisions. We are just able to communicate better as a whole after a good meal and some rest.