Hello Friends!
Alex and I just got back from our Sabbatical. We spent a week in the woods and it was exactly what we needed. We took time for fun, rest, and focused on drawing closer to the Father. It’s amazing how much you can get from just a few days away from the normal 9 to 5. During this time we did not have an agenda. We would go out into nature and do something fun, then we would come back to the cabin, read, and then share what we read with each other. That was what we did for 5 straight days and it was great!
I was reading the book, “Thin Places An Evangelical Journey into Celtic Christianity” by Tracy Balzer. Although this is not a book on marriage one of the chapters held some truth that can be applied to a marriage. I am constantly blown away by how the Lord uses books written about other topics to speak to us about marriage. In fact, I personally think what I read in this particular chapter is the secret to a healthy marriage!
The Importance of a Soul Friend!
Anamchara-Soul Friend
Thin Places is about Celtic Christianity, founded in the British Isles. In the book, she talks about certain things the Celtic Christians did to make God a part of their everyday lives. The Celtics kept God present and continued to grow in their faith by having an anamchara. An anamchara is the Gaelic word which translates to “soul friend”. It is a friend who holds you accountable. It’s a person who is like-minded in your faith and will help you to continually grow closer to God. We would call this person and confidant, accountability partner, or a mentor.
The early Celtics to this idea of having a soul friend extremely serious. Because they believe it was so important to their spiritual growth and development, the Celtic monks were assigned their own anamchara. It was literally a requirement if one wanted to be in ministry.
So what does this have to do with marriage?!?
Good question! Here at ABA, we have talked a lot about the importance of a mentor so I think you know where we are going but let’s look at it a little deeper this week! So let’s look into the Word.
He who walks [as a companion] with wise men will be wise, but the companions of [conceited, dull-witted] fools [are fools themselves and] will experience harm. Proverbs 13:20
The Bible makes it very plain in Proverbs (and several other locations) that if you hang out with wise people you will get wisdom. I believe this is especially true with marriage. We need to hang out with godly couples who can come alongside us and help us to have a healthy marriage. Alex and I are the product of this and can attest to this truth. Because we had couples who chose to invest in us, we missed certain struggles altogether. Because we had couples who had wisdom and experience, we gained wisdom and experience.
Finding a couple to become your “soul friends” or mentors will bring a “lightness” to your marriage, and where there is light things grow! Which leads me to the main point of this blog!
How is have a godly couple the secret to having a healthy marriage?
Break the Secret
Therefore, confess your sins to one another [your false steps, your offenses], and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) can accomplish much [when put into action and made effective by God—it is dynamic and can have tremendous power]. James 5:16
In this verse, we find something that quite frankly is hard to do. Who likes to confess their sins to people? I, for one, most certainly do not like confessing my shortcomings. I would rather people not know when I sin. Hiding it seems easier, safer even. If people know I sin then they may condemn me or decide I am not worthy to be in their lives at all.
However, let’s look deeper into this verse because in it lies the “secret” to a healthy marriage, really its the secret to a healthy life. If we finish the first sentence we see the reason why the Lord asked us to do this. “That you may be healed and restored.” When we chose to expose our shortcomings to light healing happens. Growth can take place and we can become stronger in our faith. Secrets thrive in the darkness. Nothing can grow in darkness but sin and struggles. So when we chose to keep our secrets sin or our marital struggles a secret is the only thing that can grow is the sin or the struggle. However, if we break the secret by confessing to one another, true healing and restoration can happen.
When we chose to go to our soul friends and confess our shortcomings three things happen which bring restoration and healing!
1. It lets our soul friends know there is a problem which allows them to help us!
So many couples walk around pretending to have it all together. They portray this perfect marriage on social media and in public but in private their most precious earthly relationship is falling apart at the seams! I totally get why we don’t want people to know we have problems. We are afraid of shame or condemnation. We are afraid people will look down on us if they know how things “really are”. But being honest is the only way you can get the help you need to fix the situation.
By confiding in your “soul friends” as a couple you can start to heal and grow as a couple!
Disclaimer- This doesn’t give you permission to tell EVERYONE your problems. You must be wise and only confide in people who love you and love God. People who will come alongside you and help you fix it, not just listen to you complain about your situation. Also, this doesn’t give you permission to bash your spouse. It simply means you have a couple you both can confide in, who in turn can give you steps to take to correct the problem.
2. It exposes our sin to the light where they can be dealt with and healing can happen!
True healing can not take place in the dark. We were never created to handle EVERYTHING on our own. We need each other, Jesus, and fellow believers to have a healthy, happy marriage! The enemy lies to us when he tells us we need to keep things a secret. We need to handle it “on our own”. He understands that isolation and darkness are not conducive to growth.
The only way we can heal and grow stronger is by bring Jesus, godly people, and light into our situation.
Disclaimer- Again the point of this is to expose the problem then take the necessary steps to fix it. If you are given wisdom, implement it so it can bring restoration. Wisdom does not work unless you work it.
3. This gives your “soul friends” the ability to pray for you specifically!
The end of John 5:16 tells us the prayers of a righteousness accomplishment much! These prayers are powerful and can change situations! We need people praying for us and our marriage every day!
Prayer can be the difference between defeat and victory! Especially if these prayers are prayed daily and specifically!
Disclaimer- This is why you want to find a person you can trust and confide in. You need someone who will “pray” for you instead of “talking” about you! You need someone who will speak your name to the Father, not to everyone they come in contact with!
In a Nutshell!
What is the “secret” to a healthy marriage?
- Finding a godly couple who will become your soul friends!
- Being totally transparent with them so they can pray for you and give you wisdom
- You taking the wisdom given and growing closer to God and your spouse!
Remember nothing grows in the darkness but sin and struggles! But when we break the secret and expose our sin to the light it can be healed and our most precious relationship can be restored!
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
For ways to help find a “soul friend” check our new book. “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage: A Guide for the Marriage God Created for You”