Hello Friends,
Consistent choices are very powerful in a marriage. In fact, I believe we take for granted just how powerful and impactful those everyday consistent behaviors can be. You may not notice at first how they impact your relationship in a positive way (we will get to that in a moment), but I am sure you have noticed the negative effect of not being consistent.
“That Couple”
Have you ever been around “that couple?” I’m sure you know the one I am talking about. The couple that you really dread being around. They are the ones that seem to constantly be at each other’s throats. Nothing they do is right with the other one. They do not fight in front of you (or at least I hope they don’t) but they bicker constantly. Little or not-so-little passive aggressive comments meant to sting. Actions are done deliberately to aggravate the other. You can tell whatever love they had for each other is now non-existent.
Alex and I have been around several of “that couple” and it is very uncomfortable. It is not enjoyable to be around another couple that does not enjoy being together. It’s extremely sad, also because something or some things have happened to get them here.
Inconsistent Behavior
There are a million different reasons why a couple becomes “that couple,” but one of the reasons is inconsistent behavior. What is inconsistent behavior? According to Google, inconsistent behavior means being unpredictable. Being unpredictable is not good in marriage. Your spouse needs to be able to trust you and have peace knowing that you will keep your word. In fact, peace and trust grow with every consistent choice one makes, however that is not the fruit you bear with inconsistency.
Inconsistent behavior over time leads to doubt, frustration, anger, and resentment. None of which you want in your marriage.
If the inconsistent behavior is left unattended, these unhealthy character traits will take root and grow until one day you realize you are saying and doing the same things you used to see in “those couples.”
But it doesn’t have to be that way!
Consistent Behavior
“Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No'” Matthew 5:37a
We can have a great impact on our marriage simply by making consistent decisions every day. Those decisions do not have to be grand or elaborate, just consistent with what you say you will do. For example, let’s use Matthew 5 as a guide.
- If you say yes to something – do it.
- When you can’t do something – be honest, upfront, and say no to it.
- If you said yes, but realize you can’t honor the yes, communicate that to your spouse.
This may sense pretty elementary and honestly, it is, but we tend to make things harder than they have to be. It is the simple things that we let fall through the cracks that can cause damage to our relationship over time. So let’s apply these principles in our marriages and see the positive impact!
3 Ways to Be Consistent
Let Your Yes Be Yes
Consistent behaviors start with honesty. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Keeping your word over time builds trust in your relationship. If you do the small things consistently, your spouse will have no trouble trusting you with the big things.
Let Your No Be No
If you can’t do something, that’s okay. You are not a robot that can accomplish everything, BUT let your spouse know upfront that you can’t do it. Don’t say yes, with no intention of doing it. By being honest about your capacity, you and your spouse can work together to develop a plan to accomplish the goal.
Communicate Often
There will be times when you say yes and then life happens. Things can change in an instant. Communicate the change. Let your spouse know what happened and how it affected the yes. By communicating upfront, your spouse will know why the goal didn’t get accomplished and that will save your marriage from unnecessary frustration.
Small Steps Over Time Creates Big Results
Alex and I have a friend that accomplished a huge goal. He walked the entire Appalachian Trail from start to finish. For those who are unfamiliar with the Appalachian Trail, it’s a 2,190-mile hiking trail that starts in Georgia and ends in Maine. Thousands of people attempt to accomplish this goal in one trip every year, but only about one in four finish it. Our friend, Brad, did it.
In church, he made a very simple statement. When implemented in our lives, it can change our whole trajectory. He was talking about goals:
“If you want to accomplish something big, you have to make small, consistent choices. Small consistent choices over time create big results.”
– Bradley Cox
How did he walk the entire Appalachian Trail? He took small steps every day. It took consistent, daily decisions to make the next steps for this to happen. The same principle applies in your marriage.
You may not see the positive impact instantly, but over time as you keep making those consistent decisions in your marriage you will build peace and trust and the positive result will come.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
Want to read more about consistency and the impact it has on your marriage? We have a whole chapter on it in “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage: A Guide for the Marriage God Created for You.”