Hello Friends,
If you have been a part of a Christian community for the last few years you may have heard something about being a “life-giving” Christian. Perhaps, you have been encouraged to speak life or to be a “life-giving” influence on your friends, family, or community.
Every Christian culture has some differences. So there is a possibility that you haven’t heard those particular words, but you have heard the same message it stands for. Although you will not find the term “life-giving” in the Bible, it is Biblically-based – Let’s break it down.
What Does It Mean To Be “Life-Giving?”
To be “life-giving” means to inspire and encourage others through positive words and behaviors. It’s partnering with someone through word or deed to help them accomplish a goal. It is cheering someone on instead of tearing someone down.
We see this Biblical idea multiple times in the Word of God.
Therefore encourage (admonish, exhort) one another and edify (strengthen and build up) one another, just as you are doing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
And let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may stir up (stimulate and incite) to love and helpful deeds and noble activities, not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together [as believers], as is the habit of some people, but admonishing (warning, urging, and encouraging) one another, and all the more faithfully as you see the day approaching. – Hebrews 10:24-25
The Life-Giving Spouse
As you can see above, the Word is clear that we are to partner with others to encourage and inspire them. I believe there is no better place to start this practice than in our marriages. We have been given a divine gift and opportunity to be the first and loudest “life-giver” to our spouse.
But where do we begin if this is not something you have heard before? Let’s start with two easy steps.
2 Ways To Be The Life-Giving Spouse
Be The First Positive Voice They Hear
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life]. – Proverbs 18:21
So often in marriage, we are the first negative voice our spouse hears. You may not even realize you are doing this. I didn’t recognize this until recently. I was listening to the Go and Tell Gals Podcast when the host, Jess Connolly, mentions that she had made one change in her marriage that really made a great difference – she stopped being the first negative voice her husband heard.
Anytime he came to her with an idea, a possibility, etc., she chose to be positive. Now that did not mean that she just agreed with everything he said. Instead, she was intentional about her words.
If she didn’t like the idea, instead of shooting it down, she said, “Interesting, let me think about that.” Then she actually took some time to think it through and returned to him with clarifying questions and they talked through it.
If she liked the idea, she praised him for thinking of it and they worked through how to make it possible as a team.
This one shift can change the atmosphere of your marriage. By simply taking negativity out, you can become a life-giving spouse.
Whisper Criticism, Shout Praise
The second thing you can do to become a life-giving spouse is to whisper criticism, but shout praise.
We are all a work in process, and the Lord uses marriage to smooth out those rough ends on us. Our spouse is the person that is used oftentimes to grow us because they see all of us, the good, the bad, and the ugly. So there will be times when you will have to speak some hard words to your spouse, but there is a correct way to do that.
Whisper Criticism
If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. – Matthew 18:15
If you find yourself at a point where you need to say something to your spouse, my first words of advice are to PRAY and then PRAY AGAIN. Yes, we are called to help others to grow according to Matthew 18, but we are not Holy Spirit Junior. Our words carry great weight with our spouses, so be sure you have prayed a lot and asked the Lord for the perfect timing and words for what needs to happen. After that, whisper the criticism.
This simply means to talk about it in private and only with your spouse. The world does not need to know what their weaknesses are. This is something between you, your spouse, and the Lord.
Complaining and fussing to and about your spouse is different than whispering criticism. Complaining and fussing do not foster growth and change. That will only cause conflict and division.
But going to them in a humble and loving way, telling them your concern, and then offering to help in any way you can does have this power.
Again, pray and be sure you are the one that is supposed to have this conversation, but if it is you, be humble and kind and do so in private.
Shout Praise
Withhold not good from those to whom it is due [its rightful owners], when it is in the power of your hand to do it. – Proverbs 3:27
Here is the fun one. When your spouse has done something praiseworthy shout it from the rooftops. Call a friend, post it on Facebook, share it with your family. Let the world know how awesome they are and how thankful you are for them.
This has a two-fold reward.
First, it builds your spouse up. When a person feels appreciated it, encourages them to continue in the right direction. They will continue the behavior because of the praise, and in most cases, they will start shouting your praise as well.
Second, it shows the world that marriage is a good idea. It shows them that you can be happy, healthy, and married. The world has done a great job at shining a negative light on marriage, but when we speak life into our spouse, we are showing the world the true model of marriage. Loving like Christ loves His Church.
Change Your Words, Change The World
As you can see, our words have the power not only to change our marriages, but it can change the world. People are hurting and looking for hope. When you start loving your spouse well and speaking life to them the people outside of your marriage will notice as well.
From one shift you can become not only a life-giving spouse BUT you can become a life-giving mentor to another couple. Then that couple can do the same and the process goes on and on.
Let’s start that ripple effect today. Let’s change our words… our marriages… and then the world.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!