Hello Friends
Do you remember when you got engaged? You had found the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and you couldn’t wait to get started. This is such a fun time. You are in love and everything in the world seems right. There is so much to do between “yes” and “I do”. There is a wedding to plan but this is also a time where you can establish a strong foundation in your marriage.
For most of us (present company included), we get laser-focused on planning the wedding and do not think much about planning for the marriage. However just like a building needs a strong foundation to stand against the elements, our marriages need a strong foundation if they are going to stand throughout the years.
There is good news!
You may literally be just getting started or you may have been married for years. The good news is you can build a strong marriage foundation at any time. Just like a house, it is easier to establish this upfront but a good foundation can happen anytime, it may take a little more work, but it will be worth it in the long run.
Building a Strong Foundation
We have told you before that we were forced into pre-marital counseling. We had wise people around us that knew we needed help so they came alongside us. It is because of them that we had a foundation, to begin with. We like most couples were focused on the wedding and the honeymoon. We were in love and that was all we were ever going to need. Thankfully others knew better and helped us. There were several things we learned during that time but the learning didn’t stop there. We had to keep on learning. The foundation was started with pre-marital counseling for us but we then had to continue building.
A couple of years into our marriage we found the book, “The 7 Rings of Marriage” by Jackie Bledsoe. This book talks a lot about building a strong foundation so I want to share some of what we learned from this book that has helped us continue to strengthen our foundation so your marriage will be strong as well.
4 Foundation Builders
Friendship
Being friends with your spouse is so foundational in marriage. Is it ok to have friends outside of your marriage? Yes, but our spouses should be the person we spend the most time with. They should be our best friends.
Why is being friends important?
Let’s think about friendship for a moment. You share details with your friend that you wouldn’t with anyone else which builds trust. You know everything about them. A bond is created because of time spent together and trust that has been built over time.
We need that in our marriages. We need to spend time with our spouses so we know them intimately. From that time and knowledge trust will grow as well.
A marriage relationship void of friendship is a marriage relationship void of a foundation.
Jackie Bledsoe
Counsel
We have talked about the importance of counseling a lot here at ABA. Pre-marital or post-marital counsel can be so beneficial to a marriage and establishing a strong foundation. Counseling isn’t just for engaged couples or when trouble arises, it can be utilized at any point to help in marriage. Let’s look at another way you can receive counseling for your marriage.
Small Groups
Joining a marriage small group is a fantastic way to gain wisdom and friendship that can breathe life into your relationship. The great thing about small groups is you are with other couples who are investing in their relationships just like you are. You find out in these group settings that what you are going through is not uncommon. Every couple struggles with certain things, then you gain friendships so you can help each other as you walk through it.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
It is never to late to seek the advice of someone who is wiser than you are in an area, especially for your marriage.
Jackie Bledsoe
Prayer
Prayer is one of the greatest tools the Father has given us. It is the way we get to connect with Him and grow closer to Him. When we pray it not only changes our situations but it changes us as well. Praying with your spouse establishes a stronger connection between the two of you and the Father. Prayer invites the Father into your marriage, and when He comes in things change for the better. Below are some ways to establish a prayer life with your spouse.
- Choose a time but be flexible- be intentional about praying but if you forget or get busy be flexible and still pray.
- Pray alone before praying together- you both need to have an individual prayer life as well.
- Thank God and praise Him for your spouse- Remember they are an answer to a prayer.
- Use Scriptures for your prayers- reinforce your prayers with the Word of God.
- Write a prayer and read it- if you don’t do well under pressure come prepared.
- Start short- there isn’t a time frame you have to meet with this.
- Show some affection- After prayer- hug, kiss, or tell your spouse you love them. Be intentional about showing love to your spouse during these times.
Prayer is of utmost importance in your relationship before you get married and after you get married. It will be an intricate component of the building or rebuilding of your foundation.
Jackie Bledsoe
The Cornerstone to Your Foundation
Finally, if we are going to have a strong foundation that our marriages can grow upon God has to be our cornerstone. The cornerstone is the first stone placed when a building is constructed. If that stone is not placed correctly the whole structure will be unsteady and will not be able to withstand what comes at it. The same is true in our marriages. We can invest all we want but if we do not have God as our cornerstone our marriages will be unsteady and will be susceptible to the storms of life.
Remember the great news! You can start to build or rebuild your foundation anytime during your relationship. It is never too late to get a strong foundation.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
If you would like to get a copy of “The 7 Rings of Marriage” click here.
For other ways to establish a strong marriage foundation click out our book, “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage” click here.