Hello Friends,
In our last blog, we spoke to our single friends and encouraged them to stop focusing on “finding” the right person, but on “becoming” the right person. We shared three ways one could start the “becoming process” in the hopes of helping people achieve the call to action in Andy Stanley’s book, “The New Rules of Love, Sex, and Dating”.
Become the person the person you are looking for is looking for.
Are You Up For A Challenge?
We gave you a great starting point last time, but we didn’t want to stop there. In Andy’s book, he issues a challenge at the end. At first glance, this challenge may seem hard and counterintuitive, but when followed, has the power to change your entire life. We wanted to take this blog and explain that challenge. As you read this, remember, nothing worth having comes easy. Some things take work, but the work is worth it and you are worth it.
What Is The Challenge?
Take a year off from dating, sexual hookups, and relationships.
It’s amazing how a ten-word sentence can bring out such strong emotion, isn’t it? I’m sure if you are single and reading this, you probably stopped at the period and thought, “No, dawg! I’m not doing that!” I get it – It sounds completely counterintuitive, doesn’t it? Your heart’s desire is to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with. If you stop looking, you will miss them, right?
I totally understand that feeling, but the truth is this challenge can help you find the truly right person and not just a person. Why? Because you will not be just sitting in a chair twiddling your thumbs for a year. You will be growing in 5 areas of your life that will bring your clarity, so you can wisely pick the right person when the time is right. Not only will you choose wisely, but you will be the person they are looking for as well. They will be attracted to you because you will be what they are looking for.
So if you take this challenge, what will you spend your year doing?
Addressing Your Past
We will start with the hardest one. It starts with getting those skeletons out of your closet. If we ignore our past, we will repeat it. Take time to deal with your struggles so it will no longer impact your future. This may be something you can do on your own with time and prayer, but I strongly encourage you to find a counselor or Pastor to help you with this, if it gets too hard. The healing that will come from counseling will outweigh the embarrassment you might feel from initially asking for help.
Breaking Bad Habits
We all have habits we know we need to break. It could be anything from financial, physical, emotional, or even spiritual habits. Examine your lifestyle and see what needs to go and be replaced with healthy habits. You will not only be physically healthy, but your overall wellbeing will improve as well.
Setting New Standards
Now it is time to set some standards. Clearly, the people you have dated in the past did not meet the bill. Sit down and establish a set of standards, not just for them, but for yourself as well. When the year is completed, continue to uphold the standards you have set. Only date the type of person you feel meets your standards – don’t settle.
Commit to not having sex until marriage. Even if you have already had sex, make a fresh commitment to abstinence. You are not a commodity. It is never too late to start fresh, don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Getting Out Of Debt
I, Tara, wish I had done this before Alex and I got married. We both brought debt into our relationship and although we have worked really hard to take care of it, life would have been smoother if it wasn’t there at all. A lot of stress would have not been present in our marriage had debt not been there. If you are taking this challenge, mark my words – debt is easier to deal with while you are single. Get rid of it now, so it doesn’t have to affect your relationship in the future.
Check out our blog “Money Management and Marriage,” for 3 tips to start managing your money well.
Plugging Into A Church
The final tip is to get connected to a local church and draw close to the Father. Get your relationship with God in the proper place – the first place, and other relationships will line up after it. Being in a relationship with God will transform your life. There is a part of you that your future spouse will never be able to satisfy. It is God’s place to do so. Having your relationships in the correct order will save you a lot of frustration down the road.
Now, if you are already in church, keep going! Fully commit! Give it everything you’ve got. God honors us when we go all in!
You Can Do This!
I know taking a year off from dating seems hard. There will be difficult times within this year, but stay the course. The growth and maturity that will happen will be monumental for you. If you fully commit to these 5 areas, I can not guarantee you will find a spouse immediately afterward. That’s in God’s timing, not mine, BUT I can promise you that you will look back on that year and be glad you did it. Why? Because you will be a better person. Your life will be changed in positive ways because of it.
You will be the person the person you are looking for is looking for! When they come, you will be ready for your beautiful adventure.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!