Hello Friends,
We live in a technology driven society. Wherever you go, and anywhere you look you can find some form of technology. As I sit here and think back, most of this has happened in my lifetime. When Alex and I were growing up, technology did not play a huge role in our lives.
We both had a television, but we didn’t get satellite, computers, or cell phones until we were almost adults. I remember getting my first cell phone when I graduated from high school, and the only thing that phone did was call my mama to let her know where I was, frequently.
Times… They Have Changed
Needless to say, a lot of things have changed in the almost 40 years I have been alive. Almost every home has not only one television, but multiples with endless streaming services. Most people have not only computers but also laptops, or tablets, and of course most everyone has a cell phone. You can give a small baby a cell phone now, and chances are they know how to use it.
It really is wild how much things have changed just in my lifetime. In some ways, the changes have been very beneficial. I know I enjoy a lot of the convenience’s technology has brought us. It’s hard to remember how we did certain things before the all-knowing internet and cell phones became our constant companions.
However, although technology has brought a great deal of convenience to our lives, it has the ability to take something from us that is more valuable than anything it can give. Connection and Intimacy.
Statistics Don’t Lie
Alex and I recently when to a marriage conference where Jimmy Evans was speaking. He is the founder of XO Marriage, a ministry that exists to help couples have a healthy and strong marriage. He talked a lot about technology and the impact it can have on your marriage as a whole. Here is a little of what he shared with us.
- 1/3 of all affairs start online.
- Facebook causes 25% of arguments that take place in a week’s period.
- 1 in 7 couples consider divorce because of the social media habits of their spouse.
And here are the ones that left Alex and I speechless…
- 10% of people will stop having sex to check their phone if it goes off.
- 35% of people check their phones as soon as they are finished having sex.
What The Heck?!?!?
The takeaway I got from this was…
As you read over those statistics where does your marriage fall? Maybe you are guilty of falling into those categories? Maybe you haven’t done the ones mentioned above but you have chosen your phone over a living human being.
I can personally say, I have! There have been times both inside and outside of my marriage where I have chosen my phone over a person.
Here’s the Problem
When we choose our phones over another person, especially our spouse, we are clipping away at our intimacy and connection. It’s a slow process and you may not see any harm in it, but every time you choose your phone over another person you are weakening that connection. So how do we stop this? How do we regain our intimacy and connection with our spouse, and strengthen our marriage?
Ways to Regain Intimacy and Connection
Intimacy Requires Privacy
Here is some hard truth- you will have to say “no” to someone or something in order to say “yes” to your spouse. This means there will need to be certain times that are just for the two of you.
No Facebook. No Instagram. No Reels. No Chatting with Friends. No Phones.
Goal #1- Set aside some time every day that is technology free.
This level of privacy and time alone will start to strengthen the connection between the two of you.
Intimacy Requires Living Human Contact
Satan is a sly little creep. Seldom does he attack us in a way that is obvious. In the case of technology, he has actually been quite subtle. What he has done is convinced us that the “something” is better than the “someone”. He’s done a good job. Check this out.
- The average person touches their phones over 2000 times a day.
So, what’s the big deal?
If you are touching something else, you are not touching your spouse.
Intimacy and connection require physical touch.
Goal #2- Be intentional about holding your spouse instead of your phone.
The number of times you touch your spouse can be a good gauge of how good your marriage is, so choose them over holding any form of technology.
Intimacy Requires Protection
We have to be intentional about protecting our intimacy and connection. It is valuable and deserves that protection. Earlier in this blog, we gave you some statistics about technology. A lot of arguments and marital issues are happening because of social media. This typically happens because boundaries have not been set.
Goal #3- Set boundaries that will protect your marriage.
Allowing your spouse to have access to your phone, not starting that conversation with an “old boy/girlfriend” to happen in secret, and setting time limits can be the saving grace of your marriage.
Intimacy Requires Rest
Finally, we have to take the time to rest if we are going to have a strong and lasting connection with our spouses. Life can be stressful at times, but it shouldn’t be stressful all the time. Rest is not only beneficial for your personal health, and the health of your marriage, it is also Biblical.
By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Genesis 2:2-3
So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, 10 for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. Hebrews 4:9-11
Goal #4- Find some time each week to rest and recharge.
Remember rest doesn’t also mean a nap. It is anything that brings you life. Check out our blog, The Importance of Sabbath, to get some ideas on how to rest with your family.
Choose Your “Best Yes”
Is technology evil? 100 percent, no! It brings us a lot of conveniences that I’m very thankful for. However, it has its place. Our marriage and our spouse are more important than our phones. So going forward, be intentional about choosing your best yes. Choose your spouse, and your family over your phone, and you will find your intimacy and connection with them will grow!
You can do this!
We are praying for you!