Proverbs and the Book of James

Hello Everyone,

Since July of 2025, we have been focusing on the book of Proverbs to glean any wisdom that could be applied to marriage.

And we definitely found a lot of wisdom… We talk about…

We are going to wrap up the Proverbs series by going directly into the Brit Hadasha (New Covenant/New Testament), to the book of James.

Why James?

James is often referenced as the Proverbs of the New Testament. It’s a short but extremely practical book. You can read the whole book in a matter of minutes, but you can spend the rest of your life applying its principles. James focused on how to practically walk out your faith instead of just claiming to have it. Which is something our culture as a whole need right now.

We have the ability to say a lot about ourselves. Think about dating apps, people describe themselves in the best possible light in order to find a date. However, it’s truly how we live our lives day to day that tells the true story of who we are. You can never really get to know someone unless you spend time together. It’s our consistent actions that creates the melody that people hear when they are around us. In marriage, you find out if the lyrics and the melody work together.

When the lyrics and the melody don’t match it can be detrimental in marriages. When you act and speak one way before the wedding, and change afterwards, the relationship can suffer. With that in mind, let’s look at each chapter in James and see what practical principles we can apply to our marriage to improve the relationship.

James Chapter 1

Now if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all generously and without reproach; and it will be given to him. But let him ask in trust, doubting nothing; for the doubter is like a wave in the sea being tossed and driven by the wind. Indeed, that person should not think that he will receive anything from the Lord, because he is double-minded, unstable in all his ways. James 1:5-8

Marriage Application

Ask for Wisdom to deal with Situations in Your Marriage.

True wisdom is the ability to use knowledge correctly, judge situations wisely, and follow the best course of action based on understanding. 

Asking for wisdom is active, because once you have it, you have to act on it. You have to walk out the wisdom for it to truly change your marriage. Complacency is the silent destroyer of marriages. With complacency one can be lulled into a false sense of security. When this happens, one can take their marriage for granted.

We can only get wisdom, knowledge and understanding when we spend time with God and His Word. When you need help in any situation, pray and ask for help, believing you serve a God that not only is listening but loves you and wants to help.

Don’t delude yourselves, my dear brothers. Every good act of giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father who made the heavenly lights; with him there is neither variation nor darkness caused by turning. Having made his decision, he gave birth to us through a Word that can be relied upon, in order that we should be a kind of firstfruits of all that he created. James 1:16-18

Be Content

There are many areas in marriage that can be damaged if we are not content.

Being materialistic can be difficult in a marriage. It can lead to financial problems which bring even more difficulty if not dealt with by both the husband and the wife. You can become discontented with your spouse, if you spend all your time looking at other relationship instead of working on your own.

Keep in mind, the God gives good gifts, and our spouse and marriage are among those gifts. Invest in your own marriage, and do not allow discontentment to rob you of the beautiful gift the Lord has given you.

Therefore, my dear brothers, let every person be quick to listen but slow to speak, slow to get angry; for a person’s anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness! So rid yourselves of all vulgarity and obvious evil, and receive meekly the Word implanted in you that can save your lives. James 1:19-21

Quick to listen, Slow to speak, Slow to Anger

Think of the ways your marriage would change by simply following this three-step instruction.

Good communication is crucial in marriage. You and your spouse have to be able to communicate in a healthy way if the relationship is going to thrive. Communication goes further that just talking. There is a lot of listening that goes into good communication. In your marriage you should be listening to understand not listening to respond. It is also important that you think through what you are going to say before you just blurt it out. A lot of heartache can be avoided if you will just follow this pattern.

It is also good to remember that it’s you and your spouse versus the issue, not your spouse is the issue. According to God’s Word you and your spouse are now “echad” (one). Tackle everything that comes up as a team, not as opponents.

We have done a lot of content on communication, click here to see other blog posts on the subject.

Don’t deceive yourselves by only hearing what the Word says, but do it! For whoever hears the Word but doesn’t do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror, who looks at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But if a person looks closely into the perfect Torah, which gives freedom, and continues, becoming not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work it requires, then he will be blessed in what he does. James 1:22-25

Obey God’s Word

As you can tell from the verses above, obedience to the Word brings blessings.

This blessing seems to be a blanket statement. It does not specify a certain area. It paints a picture of favor. One thing we have noticed as we have walked in God’s rhythms through obedience is, things aren’t perfect but overall, they are smoother. Whether that be the situation itself is not as hard, or we don’t react in the same way and that makes it easier. Honestly, as you let the Word transform you, I think it’s more the latter. We respond more out of the Ruach (spirit) than our flesh nature and that affects the situation in a more positive way.

Remember the only way you can obey something is to know what it says. Getting into the Word for yourself is imperative to your life and marriage.

James Chapter 2

What good is it, my brothers, if someone claims to have faith but has no actions to prove it? Is such “faith” able to save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food, and someone says to him, “Shalom! Keep warm and eat hearty!” without giving him what he needs, what good does it do? Thus, faith by itself, unaccompanied by actions, is dead. James 2:14-17

Marriage Application

“I Love You” Without Action that Affirms is Dead

Words without follow through will eventually mean nothing. Your actions bring credibility to the words you speak. In a song the lyrics and the melody have to work together for the song to worth listening to, the same goes for your marriage.

Your words and your actions must work together for your marriage to grow in a healthy way. This formula builds commitment, trust, faithfulness and so much more.

James Chapter 3

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, since you know that we will be judged more severely. For we all stumble in many ways; if someone does not stumble in what he says, he is a mature man who can bridle his whole body. If we put a bit into a horse’s mouth to make it obey us, we control its whole body as well. And think of a ship — although it is huge and is driven by strong winds, yet the pilot can steer it wherever he wants with just a small rudder. So too the tongue is a tiny part of the body, yet it boasts great things.

See how a little fire sets a whole forest ablaze! Yes, the tongue is a fire, a world of wickedness. The tongue is so placed in our body that it defiles every part of it, setting ablaze the whole of our life; and it is set on fire by Gei-Hinnom itself. For people have tamed and continue to tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures; but the tongue no one can tame — it is an unstable and evil thing, full of death-dealing poison! 

 With it we bless Adonai, the Father; and with it we curse people, who were made in the image of God. Out of the same mouth come blessing and cursing! Brothers, it isn’t right for things to be this way. A spring doesn’t send both fresh and bitter water from the same opening, does it? Can a fig tree yield olives, my brothers? or a grapevine, figs? Neither does salt water produce fresh. James 3:1-12

Marriage Application

Taming the Tongue

Your marriage may look fantastic on paper. You may have your dream job, an awesome house, good looks, and hefty bank account, but if you do not have control over your tongue all of that cannot and will not save your marriage. James makes it clear; the tongue can burn everything to the ground.

If you look into the original language, you will find this. “The tongue is an unstable and evil thing. Lashon hara’ (literally, “tongue of the evil”) in Judaism refers to gossip, backbiting, rumormongering, slander, and other misuses of speech. The Talmud condemns it severely: “If one speaks lashon hara’, it is as though he denied God.…The sin of lashon hara’ is weighed equally with the sins of idolatry, sexual immorality and murder”

Our tongue has the power to bring life or death. Choose life so your marriage and life will thrive.

 Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him demonstrate it by his good way of life, by actions done in the humility that grows out of wisdom. But if you harbor in your hearts bitter jealousy and selfish ambition, don’t boast and attack the truth with lies! This wisdom is not the kind that comes down from above; on the contrary, it is worldly, unspiritual, demonic. For where there are jealousy and selfish ambition, there will be disharmony and every foul practice. But the wisdom from above is, first of all, pure, then peaceful, kind, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. And peacemakers who sow seed in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. James 3:13-18

Avoid Jealousy and Selfish Ambition

According to the verses above nothing good comes from jealously or selfish ambition. I can attest to the selfish part. In the podcast episode I share my own testimony with selfishness and how it showed up early in our marriage. You can listen to that here.

One of the things James tells us is that jealously and selfish ambition brings disorder. The Greek Word James used there is “akatastasia”, which connotes a chaotic frenzy of fighting. Who wants that in their marriage?

Wisdom from above is pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. All of which can bring healing, closure, and growth to your relationship.

James Chapter 4

What is causing all the quarrels and fights among you? Isn’t it your desires battling inside you? You desire things and don’t have them. You kill, and you are jealous, and you still can’t get them. So you fight and quarrel. The reason you don’t have is that you don’t pray! Or you pray and don’t receive, because you pray with the wrong motive, that of wanting to indulge your own desires. You unfaithful wives! Don’t you know that loving the world is hating God? Whoever chooses to be the world’s friend makes himself God’s enemy! James 4:1-4

Marriage Application

Quarrels and how to Pray through Them.

We find here the origin of arguments. They come from our fleshly desires or passions that are within us. If you look at most arguments, you will find at the root of the issue, is one or both parties are not getting their way. A couple is not in agreement and neither one of them want to compromise.

You can use prayer to help you and your spouse walk through these moments of disagreement. But be warned that the Lord may not always answer them in the exact way you want. I (Tara) shared a story of how this played out for me in the podcast episode. Just be willing to allow God to not only help you with the current argument but to transform you in the process. He can do it all when we come to Him with a humble heart.

Therefore, submit to God. Moreover, take a stand against the Adversary, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and he will come close to you. Clean your hands, sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded people! James 4:7-8

Submit to God and Resist the Devil

We must continually submit to God in this life. The good news is He never expected us to do this life solely on our own. That’s why He sent Yeshua, and the Ruach (Spirit) to dwell inside of us. Invite Him into every detail of your life and marriage. Submit to Him daily, hourly if you need too, and let Him transform your life.

Brothers, stop speaking against each other! Whoever speaks against a brother or judges a brother is speaking against Torah and judging Torah. And if you judge Torah, you are not a doer of what Torah says, but a judge. There is but one Giver of Torah; he is also the Judge, with the power to deliver and to destroy. Who do you think you are, judging your fellow human being? James 4:11-12

Don’t speak evil

We have already spoken a lot on the tongue, but we did want to point out another layer that James mentions here. He tells us that whoever speaks evil of someone speaks evil of the law or God’s Word. We have already seen from the Talmud that evil speech is the same as denying God, and here we see it is the same as speaking evil of His Word.

This has challenged us to be more intentional with our words in general, and we pray it does the same for you.

James Chapter 5

So, brothers, be patient until the Lord returns. See how the farmer waits for the precious “fruit of the earth” — he is patient over it until it receives the fall and spring rains. You too, be patient; keep up your courage; for the Lord’s return is near. James 5:7-8

Marriage Application

Be Patient

Patience is a virtue that we need to practice in marriage. However, in a lot of cases we find it easier to be patient with a complete stranger than we do with our spouse. This should not be the case. It is only when we choose to be patience and kind that our marriage can become the relationship it was created to be. The one that mirrors how Yeshua loved the church.

Don’t grumble against one another, brothers, so that you won’t come under condemnation — look! the Judge is standing at the door! James 5:9

Do not Grudge Against each Other

Just take a moment to listen in on conversations, one of the patterns of the world is to grumble and complain about your spouse. 

Grumbling leads to grudges, this will not work in a marriage relationship. You cannot walk around all the time with negative feelings for your spouse and think that you are loving them well or that this is the method that will bring the change that needs to happen.

Use your words to build up your spouse and your marriage. We have already learned that there is power in the tongue. Use that power for good and not evil.

Therefore, openly acknowledge your sins to one another, and pray for each other, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Eliyahu was only a human being like us; yet he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and no rain fell on the Land for three years and six months. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the Land produced its crops. James 5:16-18

Confess to One Another and Pray for Each Other

No one likes to admit it when they are wrong, but if we follow the instructions we find here in James, it can be very healing for our marriage. Alex and I have both had moments in the fourteen years that we have been married where we had to confess to one another. Check out the episode here where Alex shares a specific time in his life where he confessed a situation to me.

We have found that those moments have been instrumental in bringing healing and connection to our relationship. Confession of sin is not easy but be brave and watch what the Lord can do through your humility.

A word of encouragement for the spouse that is hearing the confession, be kind and pray for your spouse. It’s not easy to be vulnerable and ask for forgiveness. Please do not make things harder than they have to be. If your spouse is being genuine, met that with love, support, and prayers.

The Transformative Power of God’s Word

I said at the beginning that you could read the entire book of James in just a few moments, but it would take your entire life to walk it out. I hope now you can see that is true. Everything we mentioned above has the power to transform your life and your marriage if you consistently apply it.

If you look back to when Alex and I met. Our relationship did not look good on paper. There was a lot of things that could have taken us out; however, we decided to put God first and obey Him to the best of our ability. We also decided that we were going to invest in our marriage and do whatever it took to make it work.

Fourteen years later, and we can see how the Lord has walked with us every step of the way and truly has transformed us.

Invite Him to do that in your life. We serve a good God, who gives good gifts.

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