Hello Friends
Today we are going to talk about one thing that can have a huge negative or positive effect on your marriage-MONEY. Although money is very taboo to talk about it is one of the leading causes of conflict in a marriage. Money, more specifically the mishandling of it, can bring unnecessary conflict. However, by making a few intentional changes you and your spouse can become good stewards of your finances, which can bring a sense of trust and security to your relationship.
Money Can Mess With Your Marriage
About 5 years ago total chaos struck at our house in a 24-hour period. Our washer, dryer, and lawnmower all died at the same time. I can’t make this up! All of them! We didn’t have an emergency fund in place. Because we didn’t have the extra money available, we put a washer, dryer, and lawnmower on a credit card.
This was such a stressful situation for us. We needed these items, but we knew we would be paying a lot of interest for them since it was going to take time to pay the credit card off. This large amount would negatively affect our credit score and it wouldn’t help to buy a house. Alex wanted quality items because they were necessities we would use on a regular basis. I wanted the cheapest items possible because all I could see was the credit card bill. Without an emergency fund, this whole situation brought a lot of stress on our marriage.
About 6 months ago we came home from church to find our whole kitchen flooded. Our refrigerator had died. All the ice and water from the ice maker had melted and was now residing on our floor. This time we had our emergency fund ready. We cleaned up the water, went to Lowes, got a refrigerator, and came home! This whole situation was so much easier because of the money we had set aside. The only decision that had to be made was which refrigerator we wanted. Alex wanted an ice maker, I wanted it to be within our emergency fund. It didn’t take us long to find one that fit both requirements. There was no stress and no contention on our marriage.
These are just two examples of why having some money put back is so important. It really does take so much stress off your marriage when those random, costly situations pop up. Don’t be caught off guard and bring unnecessary stress to your marriage!
4 Ways to Manage Your Finances
The way you handle your finances WILL have an effect on your marriage. The good news is it is 100% up to us whether it is a positive or negative effect. Money can bring unnecessary stresses or a huge sense of security. The way we handle money can build trust between us and our spouses or it can cause division. Let’s look at some ways to establish trust and security in our marriage by using our money wisely.
Tithe (10%)
This may seem counterintuitive to tell you to give money away when we’re talking about being a good steward of money. However, the Lord has asked us to tithe in the following verses.
Malachi 3:10-12 Amplified Version says, “Bring all the tithes (the tenth) into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,” says the Lord of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you [so great] a blessing until there is no more room to receive it. Then I will rebuke the devourer (insects, plague) for your sake and he will not destroy the fruits of the ground, nor will your vine in the field drop its grapes [before harvest],” says the Lord of hosts. “All nations shall call you happy and blessed, for you shall be a land of delight,” says the Lord of hosts.”
If we are not faithful in our tithes, we are not going to be blessed. We must be obedient to God first if we’re going to be good stewards of our money. Look closer at verses 11 and 12, if we are faithful to this principle the Lord will not only bless us, but He’ll rebuke the devourer (all those little things that pop up and take our money). That’s a pretty good deal if you ask me.
Jesus said a lot about money and how to manage it. In the following verse, He tells us, if we can’t handle our money appropriately, we won’t be able to handle greater things appropriately.
Luke 16:10-11 Amplified Version says, “He who is faithful in a very little thing is also faithful in much, and he who is dishonest in a very little thing is also dishonest in much. Therefore, if you have not been faithful in the use of earthly wealth, who will entrust the true riches to you?”
I could tell you several personal testimonies of where God has proven Himself faithful to the principle of tithing.
A blessed 90% goes way further than a cursed 100%.
“A Beautiful Adventure Marriage: A Guide to the Marriage God Created for You.”
Don’t believe me? I challenge you to try it for two months. Watch and see what the Lord will do!
Save (10% or whatever works best)
God is very specific about how much he wants us to tithe. He gives us the freedom to do what we want with the other 90%. Saving is so important. It needs to be the next thing we do after we’ve tithed. I recommend having a set percentage or a set amount you save from every paycheck. Look at your finances and make your decision based on what you can do.
Why save? I don’t know about you, but if we have extra money just lying in our checking account it’s easy for us to pull out our debit cards. Soon the extra money is nowhere to be found and typically there isn’t anything to show for it. By taking a set amount and putting it into another account (without a debit card) it makes it easier for us not to spend it. With that amount stored away, when we want to travel, have an emergency, or an unexpected expense, we don’t have to stress.
Dave Ramsey suggests having at least 500 to 1000 dollars in an emergency fund. You never touch it unless there is an emergency. This was one of the first things Alex and I did after taking the course. The story above shows how helpful this practice has been in our marriage.
So how will you know how much you need to save? Good question, this leads us to our next point.
Education and Budget Meetings
For your finances to be in alignment you and your spouse will have to work together as a team. This means you will have to have conversations and get a plan. If you are not working together toward a shared goal this will not work.
The best way to work together on a common goal is to educate yourself about money. Learn how to use it correctly, together.
Based on our experiences, I encourage you to find a money class. You can take the Dave Ramsey class from the comfort of your own home. It is a nine-week online course which is very thorough. Check out his website by clicking here.
However, if you don’t have the margin in your schedule to take a class, there are books and information online. You and your spouse should find a way to learn about money and the proper way of handling it.
Once you have this knowledge, sit down together on a regular basis and go over your budget. Alex and I do this every Friday morning. This is our time to get together about our money. It not only gets us on the same page, it holds us both accountable to making wise decisions.
Spend (80% or whatever is left after tithing and saving)
Pay your bills and live off the rest!
“Live like no one else so one day you can live like no one else”.
Dave Ramsey
This quote by Dave Ramsey has the potential to change your life and your marriage. What he means by this is to make the sacrifices now with your money so in the future, you will have the money to do what you want to do. If you commit to this process you may have to start telling yourself and others “no”.
- No, we can’t buy that.
- Sorry, no, I’m not going to put that on the credit card.
- No, we can’t go there.
Saying “no” is never fun. When Alex and I first started this process, we said “no” a lot and can I be real with you- it sucked. It was frustrating and embarrassing. But now, we don’t have to say “no” very often. There are still times where we have to decline something, if we can’t afford it, but for the most part, we can say “yes”. Being able to say “yes” made us see that going through the process of improving our finances was worth it.
This WILL Pay Off
It has been 9 years since we took the class. During this time, we have taken other money classes at our church as well. As your seasons change, so does the way you need to handle your money. We aren’t debt-free yet but, let me tell you what has happened since we took that first class. We paid off all our cars, his student loan, and all my credit cards. The only reason we aren’t debt-free now is we were able to finally buy the house we wanted.
I don’t tell you this to brag but to encourage you. It doesn’t matter how bad your finances look right now. It can be better if you put in the work. We must work at this every single day, but it’s so worth it. That class taught us how to be good stewards of what the Lord had given us. Our problem was not a lack of money, but how we were handling the money we had.
We would not have our house in town or be in a good financial position had we not taken the money class and learned how to handle our money well. You can do this. Go through the process- tithe, save, educate yourself, get a plan, and make wise decisions with your money. Embrace the “no” moments now so you can have the “yes” moments in the future. Rid your marriage of the stresses that come from financial issues.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!