Hello Friends
2019 is officially over! Alex and I are very excited about the new year and we hope you are as well! As we were talking about this last video and blog for 2019, we wanted it to be something special, but we also wanted it to be something that would help you going into the new year. The beginning of every year always seems like the perfect time for a fresh start, and this is true for our marriages as well. Many marriages don’t change, however. The issue usually isn’t “wanting” to change the issue comes because most people do not know “how” to change. Their intentions are great, but they fall into the same old patterns which give them the same old results. So, typically in just a few weeks, they have given up on whatever it is they were going to change. Because of this, we decided to end this year with a blog and a video that would give you advice on how to have a happy marriage. Advice, you can take with you into the new year to improve your relationship.
Alex and I reached out to several couples and asked them what advice they would give to someone who was just starting out in marriage or who just wanted to improve their relationship. We asked them for advice they have applied in their own relationships. The answers we got were so good and I am sharing them below. Our prayer is somewhere in this blog and the video we are posting on our facebook page, you will find a nugget or two which when applied will make your adventure a little more beautiful!
Tylar and Ashley Burgess (married 16 years)
God has been number one since the beginning. We bonded our marriage in Him and found our every move on His word.
If we had any advice for couples it would be to marry your best friend and stay friends. Don’t hide things from each other, little or big, talk about everything and stay on the same page. Pray for your spouse daily, appreciate the little things, don’t put pressure on your spouse to live up to your idea of perfect, and love them for who they are in every stage of life.
Zac and Sherie Robertson (married 11 years)
Understand that marriage isn’t easy, often we think it should be and are disappointed or think something is wrong if it’s not “easy”.
Be honest…. seems simple but it’s not always. Talk, honestly about everything together (creates way fewer arguments).
Pursue each other daily… find out what makes your spouse feel desired and loved then do it. Do it when you’re tired, when you’re mad when you’re busy….. pursue their heart daily. And have lots of sex
Chris and Melissa Ledbetter (married 4 years)
One of the things that we consider to be important in our marriage is communication. Even if it seems small, it is completely necessary. Everything from finance to emotions, even hopes and dreams are all equal when it comes to communication. It’s a selfless act to convey to your partner something you don’t want anyone to know. It’s almost a way of humbling yourself. Communication is a form of intimacy that builds strong lasting relationships in the marriage, these foundations build upon each other in such a way that no storm can knock it down. There should be no fear in communicating with your spouse. Hidden feelings and doubt can drive a wedge into God’s perfect plan for your marriage. Talk and listen to what your partner is trying to convey, focus on how they communicate in their own way. Study their communicational language to make it easier to understand and reciprocate. “
Brad and Linda Cox (married 3 years)
We love being married, and not because it is easy, because it is not. But like everything that is worth anything, it takes work. What does make it easier though? God, God makes being married and staying married easy. The world is what makes it hard and complicated. So the importance of God on the success of our marriage is VITAL. He sets the foundation for our beliefs and our morals. He gives us healthy boundaries to guide us in our everyday choices. He allows grace and forgiveness, and He is the example we get to follow when the world is pulling at us to follow its lead.
Never stop pursuing your spouse. All those things you did in the beginning: flirting, being intentional with your time spent together, taking interest in one another’s interest, don’t stop doing those things no matter how long you have been together.
Don’t take things too personally. You will become your spouse’s safe place, where they can freely show themselves. If they are going through a tough season, don’t take it personally as if you have done something wrong. Allow them that time, knowing that you have their back and you are their safe place to land.
Learn how to communicate. We all communicate differently so it may take work to successfully communicate with your partner. Put in the work, it is important!
Most important-Love God and learn how he wants you to love your spouse. I listened to a podcast once that talked about God’s love and how as a husband or a wife, we are that tangible love for one another that God gives us.
Cory and Amber Harris (married 11 years)
Without God, we would not still be together. We walked through an intensely painful time together in 2012 that was entirely my fault. Cory never left my side. He has never once held it over my head. He has been the best example of unfailing and unconditional love that I have ever experienced from anyone other than Jesus.
The best advice that we were given before we got married was from Cory’s dad. “Marriage is never 50/50. Some days you’ll have to pick up the others’ slack. If they’re giving 10, you give 90.”
Dustin and Jordan Gardner (married March 23, 2019)
God is the most vital part, our marriage is built on the foundation of God. Without Him nothing is possible.
Our advice is to be patient and understand that not all people are wired the same. Everyone views things differently and everyone handles things their own way. It’s important to always remember you are a team and in this together and that communication will always be key. With that being said, get connected early as possible with a marriage class. We got connected first with Alex and Tara in the 7 Rings of Marriage class, it was a true eye-opener and helped us realize what was most important going into this marriage- God and having a strong foundation. Because of that small group, we have successfully avoided some conflicts and gotten through some others. Another great small group the personalities class, this will better help you understand not only your partner but yourself (which comes in handy for any kind of conflict whether outside your marriage or inside). All things start with God, as long as you have him at the center of your marriage, you can start an amazing relationship or simply change the one you have just by seeking him! Remember his love is perfect and ours is not, we fail daily but we can’t hold our mistakes or our partners against them. And don’t be afraid to ask for help!
Steve and Sue Sanders (married 22 years)
God was the reason I married Steve. Since I had been married previously and it had failed miserably, I did not trust my own judgment again. I asked God to show me who to marry, if anyone and had my family meet him and give their input.
Everything is God-breathed… He is the reason for the marriage and its impact on the world. Always sacrifice your own instincts, feelings, desires for the working of the Holy Spirit (not the other person). God in you and in your marriage is beauty, power, and tranquility.
Trust God… Never Give Up
Not one of these couples is perfect. They each have their good days and their bad days. They are making their adventure beautiful by trusting in God and refusing to give up! They have chosen to go on this adventure together and arrive together! Our prayer is that you will make the same decisions they have.
Trust God!
Never Give Up!
2020 is a new year with new possibilities! Use this new year to invest in your marriage! Take some of this advice or all of it! Adjust it to make it your own. Do everything in your power to make your marriage the very best it can be! Marriage truly is a beautiful adventure!
Our Prayer for 2020
Abba, We want the marriage that You created for us. Show us how wild and beautiful marriage can be. Speak to us in unique ways that will draw us closer together as we draw closer to You. Meet with us in this new year and give us the wisdom to make the daily decisions needed for a successful marriage. We need You, Lord! Come be a part of our lives and this sacred relationship! Lead us on the adventure that you have planned for us and let us see the beauty of it every day! Thank you for giving us this wonderful gift. Marriage was Your idea and it is such a good idea! We love you, Lord!
We are excited and expecting great things in our marriage and in yours! Let’s go!
You can find more couples and more advice on the video we posted on our Facebook Page at https://www.facebook.com/beautifuladventureblog/
You can do this!
We are praying for you!