Hello Friends
Here at A Beautiful Adventure Marriage, we want to shine a positive light on marriage. The world has done a really good job of making marriage seem like a negative thing and we want to change that in every way. However, there are some aspects of marriage, that we just do not have any wisdom about. One of those topics is children. Alex and I do not have children both we want to offer resources and wisdom for those who do.
It is in moments like these where we reach out for help. We find couples that can give insight and encouragement in those areas. For the month of June with will be interviewing a couple who can shine a positive light on an aspect of marriage that we can’t. They will be giving us wisdom and resources on how to manage marriage with multiple children. So let’s get started.
Meet the Harris Family
Amber and Cory Harris have been married for 13 years. They have two daughters Kinslee (14) and Kamryn (12). Like all couples, they have had their ups and downs but Alex and I can say with certainty they not only have they managed marriage and parenthood but they have done it well and kept God as their focus. We know this because we have watched them do it. Amber is Alex’s sister.
Managing Marriage and Multiple Children
So how have they done it? We sat down with Amber and Cory and just asked them some questions to get a feel of how they have made both their marriage and their children a priority.
How do you keep your marriage a priority with kids, jobs, and other activities?
You just have to commit to try. Decide that your marriage is worth the effort–because it is, and do your best to show one another that you love them. Life is busy, but there are some simple things you can do even on the craziest days. Always hug and kiss good morning before you get out of bed. Always kiss goodnight before you fall asleep. Never leave one another to go somewhere without hugging and kissing goodbye. That costs you nothing but a few seconds.
What would you tell the couple who have become distant because of kids, life, jobs, etc? What is one step that a couple could take to start bridging that gap?
Life happens… and sometimes it does get tough. You have to find a way to spend some uninterrupted time together. Even if it’s when you go to bed. Spend a few minutes talking before you fall asleep, or before you get out of bed in the morning. Always kiss each other goodnight and good morning (even with dragon breath). Communicate. Find someone you can trust (like an older couple, or a pastor, or a counselor) to confide in and to get GOOD advice from. Single people have no business giving you marriage advice. And do not ever seek advice or try to talk about your problems with someone of the opposite sex. That is trouble waiting to happen. In fact, whoever you talk to, do it together. You can’t fix a marriage unless both sides are trying. Before we got married, Cory’s daddy told us “Marriage is never 50/50. It’s 100/100.” That is absolutely true.
Is dating important in your marriage? What did that look like in the beginning and how does that look now?
Dating is important, but it definitely looks different when you have children. Early in our marriage, we didn’t have much extra money at all. Our dates were usually us walking around Oxford Lake or watching a movie on the couch. With young children and no babysitting money, that just meant that they were with us unless a grandparent helped out. We still rarely get to go on one-on-one dates, but we make the most of it when we do.
How do you get things accomplished and have one on one time without necessarily going out?
Cory and I met in massage school. That has been a big perk for us. A lot of nights we will “swap time” on each other’s back and neck while we watch tv. This was different when the girls were smaller. We were both so tired by the time they went to bed that we usually just went straight to bed. Just whatever you do, do it together.
How do you make both kids feel special?
You have to know what makes each child happy. Children have love languages just like adults do. Speaking their love language is important. One thing that Cory has always done is to take each girl on a “date” for their birthday. Our oldest’s birthday is during the school year, so she gets to skip school that day and choose what they do. Our youngest’s birthday is in the summer, so we let her choose a day during the school year to skip and hang out with Daddy doing whatever she wants to. She gets a birthday date too, but the skipping school part is an added bonus.
How do you handle communication?
We do better now than we did in the beginning. It’s hard to meet an expectation that isn’t communicated, so if there are certain things that make you happy, or sad, or mad, you have to communicate that. You also have to listen. If something matters enough to your spouse that they say something about it… listen. Sometimes it’s hard to communicate certain things, and if your spouse gathers the courage to be fully open and vulnerable with you about something, appreciate that! So many people leave things unsaid or just deal with things that hurt them or that they are struggling with because they are afraid to “upset the balance”. Be your spouse’s safe place. Be the one that they can come to with ANYTHING. Don’t just say you are and then freak out if they come to you with something serious (like addiction, infidelity, anxiety, depression, etc.). Really be their rock.
Make Every Moment Matter
With our first blog and video, Amber and Cory really focused on making those everyday moments intentional. We have to have those connection points every day with both our spouses and our children if we are going to keep both of them a priority in our lives.
Just remember guys, your marriage does not have to look like anyone else’s to be successful and happy.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
Join us in 2 weeks for part 2 of Managing Marriage with Multiple Children.
For the video that goes along with this blog you can go to our Facebook page or our Youtube Channel.
For more resources on marriage check out our past blogs by clicking here.