Hello Everyone,
Being willing to learn and grow is the only way to guarantee your life and marriage will thrive. People are always changing as time goes by whether they realize it or not. No one stays the same. Alex and I have been married for 13 years and have known each other 14 ½ years and I can say with confidence that we have changed in so many ways from the couple that met in Israel, especially in the last few years.
Since change is inevitable why not be intentional about changing in positive ways as a couple?
We believe the whole Bible is our road map. God gave us His Word so we could learn, grow, and become more like His Son, Yeshua (Jesus in Hebrew). Through this transformation, we can live a life that honors Him and is a light to the world.
Since becoming better is our goal, Proverbs is a great place to start because it holds so much practical wisdom that can be applied to our lives and marriages.
The first six verses of Proverbs tell us why we should read it:
The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel: to acquire wisdom and discipline, to understand the words of insight, to receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice and fairness, to give discernment to the naïve, knowledge and discretion to the youth (let the wise listen and increase learning and the discerning obtain wise counsel) to understand a proverb and a puzzle, the sayings of the wise and their riddles. Proverbs 1:1-6
- Acquire wisdom and discipline
- Understand words of insight
- Receive instruction in wise behavior
- Give discernment to the naive
- Give knowledge and discretion to the young
- To understand proverbs and puzzles
The book of Proverbs is here for us to gain wisdom, understanding, knowledge, instruction, and discernment. Although those are all words in the same basic category, they all have different levels of meaning. Let’s see what the Hebrew tells us about these words.
Wisdom: Chochmah-wisdom, skill, shrewdness
- Wisdom can come like a burst of light
Understanding: binah-to act, discern, personify
tavunah-discretion, reason, skillfulness, understanding, wisdom.
- Understanding is separating things out, looking intently at the wisdom that has been revealed.
Knowledge: Da’at- knowledge, perception, skill
- When wisdom and understanding come together
Instruction: Mussar- discipline, instruction, punishment
Discernment: bene-to show oneself discerning or attentive, consider diligently, to observe, mark, give heed to, distinguish, consider, to be separate, stand apart
God wants the knower (us) and the knowledge to become one. He wants His Word to get inside of us so it can transform us from the inside out.
There is always more to learn.
Proverbs 1:5 says, “Let the wise listen and increase in learning”.
That is one of the greatest gifts of this life. We can and will never know everything, and for the ones that believe they do, they are missing out on the actual joy of discovering new things. That is one of our favorite things about the Bible. It is like a treasure chest with no bottom. The more you dig in the more you find.
Proverbs 25:2 says, “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter and the glory of kings to search it out.”
God wants us to dig into His Word to find the treasures that He has hidden for us to find. I believe it brings Him joy, and we know from experience that it brings us joy.
This same joy can be experienced in marriage. It doesn’t matter if you are newly engaged or have been married for years, there is always more to learn.
Just like there is always more to learn about your spouse, there are always new ways to make your marriage better.
Most marriages only seek help when they realize that there is trouble; however, if we invest in our marriage consistently some trouble (if not most) can be avoided altogether. The key is applying the wisdom in the Bible to our lives. If we don’t there are consequences.
Proverbs 1:20-33 describes some of the consequences that can come from not following after wisdom. Verse 27 and 28 say this, “when your terror comes like a storm and your calamity sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when trouble and distress overwhelm you! Then they will cry out to me, but I will not answer! They will earnestly seek me but will not find me.”
I think we see this play out in relationships, lack of wisdom has consequences and if we let it go too far, it is very hard to repair it. Look at the divorce rate, marriages are reaching their breaking points more and more. Let’s look at another verse that pinpoints more specifically something that can damage a relationship, and let’s see what the Hebrew can tell us.
Proverbs 1:32, “For the backsliding of the naïve will kill them and the complacency of fools will destroy them.”
Staying naive(not learning) will kill, being complacent will destroy
Naive- peti- simple, one easily persuaded.
- These people don’t pause to think things through, they don’t consider others, or the consequences of their words and actions
How often in marriage have you said or done something without thinking?
How often has your marriage suffered consequences because of it?
Everyone has done this… we talk and act without thinking sometimes, we should not however continue to do this, the rest of the verse tells us why.
Being naive kills- harag- kill, destroy, get out of hand.
Without thinking, situations can get out of hand quickly and damage can be done in your relationship.
The verse continues to tell us complacency destroys. The Hebrew language is so rich and full of imagery. A word can have both a positive and negative meaning which is the case here with complacency. You have to look at the context to understand which one is used.
complacency-shalvah-quietness, ease, prosperity, security (genuine, false, or careless)
Complacency is the silent destroyer of marriages. With complacency one can be lulled into a false sense of security. When this happens one can take their marriage for granted.
Intentionality in marriage is so important.
We cannot neglect our marriage or just get lazy and expect it to continue to grow. The silence of complacency will destroy a relationship. It will take longer and maybe be quite shocking when it happens, but it will happen.
Destroy- abad- perish, destroy, fail, go astray, cause to vanish
Being complacent over a long period of time can cause the love you have for each other to slowly be destroyed, which can cause one or both people to go astray.
But the good news is this can ALL be avoided by applying the wisdom from these Proverbs to your life.
Gaining wisdom is so beneficial, you can use it to repair areas in your marriage that are broken, or you can just avoid the consequences we mentioned above altogether.
Proverbs 1:33 tells us this,”But whoever pays attention to me will live securely, and be free from the fear of evil.”
If we study the Word and learn from it. If we find ways to invest in our marriage consistently, and learn more and more about our spouses, we can live free from evil and the consequences of not making wise decisions.
Practical application of this study:
We can only get wisdom, knowledge and understanding from the Word when we spend time studying it and reading it. We need to be intentional about spending time in the Word on a regular basis in order to be transformed by it.
The same is true with your spouse. You have to spend time one on one with them and have meaningful conversations. You have to ask questions and genuinely listen when they answer.
So, everything really boils down to two practical things we can do to improve our lives and our marriages.
Spend time in the Word, Spend time with your spouse.
You can do these things separately or you can combine the two!
We have grown so much in the last few years because we created time to study the Word together. You may look at your schedule and think you don’t have the time. If that is the case, say no to something else. This is too important, if we are going to live lives that honor the Father, we have to make room to study and spend time in His Word.
If your marriage is going to grow and thrive, you have to make time to spend together. We are not saying that it will be easy to rearrange your schedule, but we can guarantee that true transformation will happen if you make the time for these two things.
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