Hello Friends,
February is here! The month the world wants to focus on love. As we were thinking about Valentine’s day and love we felt the best thing we could do was talk about our “Jesus roles” in marriage. Both the husbands and the wives have been given certain roles and responsibilities by God. We cannot love our spouses the way the Lord intended unless we know what they are. These roles and responsibilities were given to us by a loving Daddy God so we could have a beautiful adventure marriage.
Unfortunately…
Most of us don’t know what these roles are much less how to walk them out or we have an incorrect view of these roles. The enemy knows what these roles are and how important they are so he has done everything in his power to distort them. He has taken Ephesians 5 and completely twisted it. He wants us to believe that these roles are burdens. That they are oppressive and unfair. He has lied to us about our roles. Unfortunately, a lot of us have completely believed his lies. You can see the effects of it in their marriages.
Because of this, we are going to spend the whole month of February talking about our Biblical roles as husband and wife. Our goal this month is to expose the enemy for the liar he is. We are going to do that by shining a positive light on Ephesian 5. We are also going to give you ways you can apply these Biblical roles to your marriage every day.
Husbands, you are up first… so let’s go!
What is the Role of Godly Husbands?
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:21-24
Husbands, let’s stop there for just a moment. Everyone likes to point out that the wife is to submit. Although it is true that a wife is to submit to her husband, there is something I would like to point out before we dive into what our role is as a husband. We all are called the bride of Christ.
Men, Christ came to save his bride, so at this moment I want for you to put yourself in the line of thought that WE are called to be the bride of Christ.
What does this mean for us?
Men, you are to fully commit yourselves to Christ because He is our bridegroom that came for our salvation.
In everything that you do, submit it first to the will of Christ. Submit simply means to yield to the will of another. Everything we do and say should be in submission to Christ. When we are fully submitted to Christ we then can fully walk out our “Jesus Role” in our marriage.
What is our “Jesus Role”? I’m glad you asked.
Jesus Role: Love Your Wife Like Christ Loves the Church
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33
Our role in marriage is to love her like Christ loves the church. So let’s dive into that.
How does Christ love the church?
Christ loves the church by leading her to the Father
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.7 “If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.” John 14:6-7 NKJV
Men, you cannot lead someone to a place that you have not been first. We have to be actively seeking God if we are going to lead our wives to Him.
Christ loves the church by praying for her
I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who [j]will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: 23 I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. John 17:20-23 NKJV
Men, as you pray to become more one with the Father, you will become more one with your spouse. We should be praying for her and with her daily.
Christ loves the church by providing for her
For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die, yet perhaps for a good man, someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Christ loves the church by protecting her. Romans 5:6-8 NKJV
Men, not only should you provide for her spiritually, but physically as well. You can love your spouse like Christ loves the church by getting up every day and going to your job.
Christ loves the church by protecting her
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand. I and My Father are one.” John 10:27-30 NKJV
Men, I know you would have no problem protecting your wife from physical harm, but we can also protect her by using our words in a positive way. We can build her up with our words instead of tearing her down.
Headship does not mean Domination
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 NKJV
This is not to say that women are weak. They aren’t at all. Tara and my mother are two great examples of what an unbreakable woman looks like, but if mistreated and demeaned they will eventually reach the maximum capacity of what they can take. They can be broken. What Peter is saying is that we as men are to treat our wives like a crystal vase, or a fine piece of China, or something of great sentimental value. In other words, we should not try to break the unbreakable. We should instead do everything in our power to preserve it with care and love.
Husbands, we are to love and cherish our wife far more than any material object, we as husbands are called to love her like Christ loves the church. We do this by becoming a servant-leader.
Redefining Authority
Husbands, we are to be like Jesus. Jesus was completely God and yet completely man. He was the leader but He walked this out in a spirit of service, not dictatorship. Jesus came to save and serve not to dominate. He was a servant-leader. We see this displayed in John 13.
So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you [b]know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. John 13:12-17 NKJV
Servant-Leader
“The master has just made himself into a servant who has washed his disciples’ feet, thus demonstrating in the most dramatic way that authority and leadership mean that you become the servant, you die to self in order to love and serve the Other. Jesus redefined all authority as a servant- authority. Any exercise of power can only be done in service to the Other, not to please oneself. Jesus is the one who did not come to be served, as the world’s authority figures expect to be, but to serve, to the point of giving his life.”
Timothy Keller author of “The Meaning of Marriage“
Husbands, are we to be the leaders of our home? Yes. We are called to lead our spouses well, and the only way we can do this is by submitting to Christ and following His example. He was a leader but He lead through service. We are called to be like Christ so we are to be the servant leaders of our homes. I want to leave you with this truth today.
Servanthood defines leadership – it does not nullify or diminish it.
Alex Payne
You can do this!
As you lead and serve your spouse, you will be walking out your Jesus role and your marriage will be healthy and happy. You don’t have to be perfect guys, you just have to be willing!
Husbands, you can do this!
We are praying for you!
For more information on how to be a godly husband check out our book, “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage”, by clicking here.