Hello Friends
We have all seen the movies and heard the stories. Boy meets girl. They fall in love. The couple fights off some kind of opposition right out of the gate that wants to keep them from being together. They live happily ever after. The scene usually ends with the couple riding off into the sunset to live what we assume to be a joyful and problem-free life.
Though these storylines make for good movies, we should not use them as a benchmark to measure our own marriages. This is not the model of how a normal relationship goes. Because of this model, we have a warped view of what a marriage should even look like. We believe to “live happily ever after” means to live with no problems at all. We believe happiness and joy are the same things, and they most certainly are not!
Joy Vs Happiness
If you google, “What is the difference between joy and happiness?” this is the first thing you will see
“Joy and happiness are wonderful feelings to experience but are very different. Joy is more consistent and is cultivated internally. It comes when you make peace with who you are, why you are, and how you are, whereas happiness tends to be externally triggered and is based on other people, things, places, thoughts, and events.”
There is a big difference between joy and happiness.
Happiness is usually contingent on everything going exactly according to plan, and when it doesn’t (and let’s face it when does EVERYTHING go exactly according to plan) happiness leaves. However, someone can experience joy regardless of their circumstances because joy is a mindset. It is not contingent on everything being perfect.
Marriage Application
With this knowledge of joy and happiness now in place, I hope you realize a joyful marriage is better than having a “happy” marriage. A happy marriage has to be maintained just like a joyful one, but other people and circumstances can have control over it; whereas a joyful marriage is totally in your control. Everything does not have to be perfect for joy to be present.
So how do we do this? How do we have a joyful marriage, especially if things are far from perfect in your current relationship?
Ways to Have a Joyful Marriage
A joyful marriage is entirely in our control, but we have to be intentional about it. It is not just going to happen on its own with no effort on our part. So let’s look at some ways we can bring joy into our lives and marriages today.
- Invite God into your live and marriage
We cannot have complete joy in our marriage without first inviting the One who created joy to come be apart of it. Marriage was created to be a relationship between the husband, wife, and God. To leave God out of this relationship would be like trying to go on a road trip without putting gas in the car. It would have the potential to go on amazing adventures but you would be missing an essential piece.
The fantastic news is once we invite God into our lives and marriages, He brings a lot of other things with Him. We get God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the fruits of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things, there is no law.”
- Start implementing the fruits of the spirit toward your spouse
Galatians tells us what the fruits of the spirit are. These are the character traits that are given to us as a gift the moment we ask Jesus into our hearts. Although they are given to us totally free, it is up to us to cultivate these gifts and use them every day. What better use of these gifts than to use them with our spouses.
Start at the beginning of the list and go from there. Love is the very first one. Just like a house needs a strong foundation to withstand the storms that come its way, the same is true with a marriage. If you love your spouse well you are establishing a foundation where joy can be present in the midst of any storm.
Once you give the foundation of love laid down all the other fruits of the Spirit will start to become present in your life and in your marriage. When your goal is to love your spouse well all of your actions and words will be to accomplish that goal, and only good will come when love is your goal.
- Celebrate the good in your marriage now
We tend to only see and focus on the negative. We see what is lacking, what needs work, and we miss all the good. This happens in marriages so much. We see another couple, assume they have a perfect marriage, and we start to resent our own marriage. Focusing on the negative will never bring joy into your relationship.
It’s ok to see something you want to fix, and then take the steps to fix it, but be sure to celebrate what is good. Every marriage has something good about it. Why not focus on the good? Why not spot light what is going well instead of what is falling apart. When we shine light onto something it can grow. Let what is going well in your marriage be the things that flourishes. I absolutely love this quote by Katherine Wolf.
“Don’t wait to celebrate the life you have been given, even if it looks different from the one you thought you would have.”
Katherine Wolf author of “Hope Heals:A True Story of Overwhelming Loss & an Overcoming Love”
Don’t wait for things to be perfect to celebrate. IF you do, you will never celebrate. There will never be a time where EVERYTHING is perfect, but you can always find something good. It may be super small, great, celebrate the small until it becomes the great.
In a Nutshell
When we are intentional about having joy in our marriages it will come. How do I know this? Because joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit given to us the moment we get saved. It is just up to us to cultivate it in our lives. Start today!
Invite God into your marriage
Practice the Fruits of the Spirit
Celebrate now
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
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