Correcting Comparison

Hello Friends,

In our last blog, we talked about the dangers of comparing ourselves and our marriages to others. We explained that comparison never comes alone. It brings discontentment, resentment, and dishonesty with it. When all of these things are operating in our marriages, they are doomed to fail, or at the very least be extremely unhappy. So although comparison seems harmless, it’s not.

When though we know comparison is harmful it is also easy to do. Everywhere we look we see the “perfect” lives of others. So with this blog, we want to give you should tips on how to stop comparing yourself, your spouse, or your marriage to others. With these tips, we hope you can rekindle the joy and rediscover what makes your marriage unique and wonderful.

Correcting Comparison

The first thing we need to do when it comes to comparison is to take inventory. Take a week or so and really observe your behaviors. When and where do you see comparison happening the most? For most of us, it is on social media but there can be other places as well. Once you have identified the times you are most susceptible, it is time to remove those triggers. How do we do that?

Removing Triggers

• Hit the Unfollow Button

If there is a certain person(s)/account you are constantly comparing yourself to online it is time to hit the unfollow button. You may not want to unfollow these people but if you are walking away from their feed feeling like you or your marriage does not measure up, unfollowing them is the healthiest thing you can do.

These accounts may not necessarily be bad people or things. If you are walking away feeling discontentment, jealously, or just inadequate, comparison is happening. Remember when it comes to social media, we only get to see the highlight reel. Don’t measure your real-life against someone else’s highlight reel. Better to unfollow the account than let it steal your joy.

• Choose Your Friends Wisely

Let’s go a step farther in this removal process. Do you have “friends” that you are constantly comparing yourself or your marriage to? Do you have “friends” who like to make their life seem absolutely fantastic while making you feel insignificant? I put quotation marks around the word friends because if you have this type of person in your life they are NOT your friend.

A friend is a person who encourages you. One that wants to see you succeed, not one that does everything in their power to knock you down. Again take inventory, how do you feel when you are around your friends? If there is someone who is making you feel like you don’t measure up to their standard, maybe it is time to love them from a distance. A toxic relationship can ruin your relationship with your spouse.

Disclaimer- I’m not talking about mentors, keep that in mind. Everyone needs a mentor they can look up to, especially a married couple. I am talking about friends that are tearing you and your marriage down instead of building it up.

The best way to decide if you have a mentor or a “friend” is to listen to what they are saying. Is it positive or negative? Then listen to yourself, do you tend to make excuses for you or your marriage when you are around them Are you more negative or positive around them? How do you feel when you leave? These questions will help you determine what kind of people you have in your life.

• Take a Social Media Fast

Perhaps unfollowing a few people is all you need to do, if so that’s great. But for some of us, a full-on fast may be in order. To really stop comparing ourselves to others we may need to take a break from social media altogether for a while. ( I am going to need everyone to refrain from hyperventilating for just a moment.)

Believe it or not, we can survive without social media for a few days or weeks. That might be exactly what we need personally and relationally. Stepping back from social media can shift our focus. We start really looking at ourselves and our marriages. This gives us a chance to spot all the good we possess. This also gives us the opportunity to invest and work on the areas that need work. Either way, you are focusing on yourself instead of someone else.

Remember we all have different triggers we just touched on a few. The goal here is to remove as many of them as possible. So take a few days and really take inventory. Your trigger may not be listed above but if something or someone is affecting you or your marriage negatively it is time to remove it.

Find Your Strengths

Once we have removed the triggers that have been stealing our joy, it is time to start replenishing our joy. Let’s look at a few ways we can do that.

• Do Some Evaluation by Asking Questions

1. What are you good at?
2. What are areas you love about yourself/your spouse? Physical, Spiritual, Emotional.
3. What is your spouse good at?
4. Is there something unique about your marriage?
5. What do you love about your spouse and marriage?

When we find the answers to these questions we are finding the good about ourselves and our marriages. When we see the good it brings joy. We go from feeling as if we don’t measure up to realizing we actually do because (and I hope you get this) there is no scale. You and your spouse were created by God to be unique, and not exactly like someone else. The only person we need to be like is Jesus.

I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14

Psalm 139 makes it plain that we were created good! God wanted the world to have someone like you. God wanted the world to have a marriage like yours. Find what makes you and your spouse special and embrace that!

Speak Gratitude

Our final tip for correcting comparison is very simple. Once you have spotted your and your spouse’s strengths, the things you are both good at. Start showing gratitude.

• Be proud of yourself when you accomplish something you have been working toward.
• Brag on your spouse when you see them walking in their strength.
• Celebrate the wins when you handle something that used to be a struggle well.

There is nothing wrong will spotting the good and speaking up about it. I know it may seem a little silly or even a little conceived. but why not be proud of the good instead of looking for the lack.

We have all things we need to work on both personally and in our marriages. But we also all have good things about ourselves both personally and in our marriages. Let’s work on the lack but focus on the good. Being joyful will help you strengthen your weakness and become even more joyful.

A Life Without Comparison is Possible

Comparison is easy to do, but nothing good will come of it. We will be left with discontentment and jealousy if we allow comparison to be a part of our lives. Above is just three steps you can take to correct comparison and start replenishing the joy in your life and marriage, but there are other ways to correct this as well.

For more ways to correct comparison check out this blog by Rachel Cruze entitled. “How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others.”

Remember God made you and your marriage unique! Find what makes you, you and embrace that!

You can do this!

We are praying for you!

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