Hello Friends,
The hunt for Mr. or Mrs. Right – We are either currently in pursuit or we remember what it was like. You have a heart’s desire and a list of all the qualities you are looking for and the game is on. However, in most cases true love doesn’t happen in an instant, so waiting is involved which can be very frustrating. If wanting something and not being able to find it instantly isn’t enough, then add all the pressures from friends and family on top of it… great times.
In this season of singleness, our main focus is to FIND the right person. That is what we (and our friends and family) are laser-focused on. Once we find this person, everything will fall into place and we will live happily ever after. Rarely are we encouraged to spend this season BECOMING the right person. We are looking for all these amazing qualities in another person but we failed to verify that we actually have those qualities as well. Andy Stanley said it best in his book, “The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating.”
Are You The Person The Person You Are Looking For Is Looking For?
If we are honest with ourselves, the answer would probably be “no.” I’m not saying you are this horrible person, but if you are like I was, you are probably too focused on FINDING the one rather than BECOMING the one. I can remember someone telling me to work on myself, but everyone else was geared toward the finding. Therefore, I was geared toward the finding.
I wish I had the information I am about to share with you when I was dating and searching for Mr. Right. It would have made life smoother in the beginning. My single friends – this is for you. Let’s talk about how to BECOME the right person while we are trying to FIND them.
Becoming The Right Person
Being single is not a curse. It is not the time you spend in the “waiting room” hoping to be chosen so your life can begin. We are told both directly and indirectly that we can not be whole unless we are married. This false narrative makes many people feel inferior and inadequate. You do not have to have a spouse to be fulfilled and walk in your purpose. You were created by a good Daddy God, you are loved and have a purpose during all seasons of life. Regardless of your relationship status, you are valuable.
However, if being in a Godly relationship is a desire of your heart, this time of singleness still isn’t a waiting period – It is a preparation period. There are so many things that you can actively be doing to prepare yourself for when you do meet the person God created for you. Let’s look at a few of them.
Develop Your Relationship With The Father
Be intentional about spending time with the Lord daily. Get into His Word and find out who you are in Christ. You need to know your worth so that you will find someone who treats you the way you should be treated. Don’t know where to start? We recommend the book of Ephesians. Paul goes into great detail on who we are in Christ:
For we are His workmanship [His own masterwork, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us]. – Ephesians 2:10
If you are intentional about spending time with the Father, it will change your life. Once the right person shows up, don’t stop this habit. Continue on, as we are all a work in progress. You will need the Father just as much when you are married as you did when you were single.
Measure Yourself Against The Base Line Of Love
Develop the 1 Corinthians 13 love in your life. I mentioned earlier that you probably have a list of qualities you are looking for. Did you know that the Bible has the ultimate list for us? A list, that if we apply it to our lives, it will ensure a marriage that will go the distance.
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Now I know you have all seen and heard these verses before, but hang in there. What if we made sure we had these character traits working in our lives?
What if we focused on becoming everything love is?
Do you want your future husband or wife to be patient, kind, and selfless? Of course, you do! So start at the top of the list and grow those character traits in your own life. Don’t get overwhelmed, no one is expecting you to be perfect. Pick one and work through it until you can move on to the next one. This will be a process you will work on, not only until you get married, but for the rest of your life. Growing slow and steady is fine – just keep growing.
Check out our blog, “The 5 Acts of Love,” for a more in-depth look at 1 Corinthians 13.
Enjoy Becoming The Person
These are just two ways you can start becoming the person your future spouse is looking for. Our encouragement to you is to enjoy the becoming stage. The world will try to frustrate you and make you believe this is wasted time. I (Tara) fell into that frustration, but like we said earlier. Being single is not a curse. The Lord has someone for you, but enjoy where you are now. There is beauty in every season!
You can do this!
We are praying for you!