Hello Friends,
Thoughts! We all have thousands of them that pop into our minds throughout the day, right? Some are good. Some are bad. Sometimes they pop in and then are quickly gone. Sometimes they pop in and we meditate on them for a while.
Believe it or not, our thoughts could be having a negative impact on our lives and especially on our marriages.
What Comes First?
We have talked a lot about the importance of words here at ABA. Words are extremely important in our marriages. They can bring life or death into your relationship. However, our words are not the cause of some of our marital issues. They are the result of the thoughts we have been meditating on and allowing to fester. Let’s flesh this out a little.
When you wake up in the morning what are your first thoughts about your spouse? Are they good or bad? Let’s look at it from two angles.
Starting Off Good…
Let’s say when you wake up the first thing you think about your spouse is a good thought. From that good thought maybe you decided to cuddle up next to them for a few extra minutes, maybe you go and fix coffee for them or breakfast. Once they get up you give them a kiss and send them on their way to work. All throughout the day you might think back on the events of the morning and look forward to when they come home from work.
Starting Off Bad…
Now let’s say you wake up and you instantly have a negative thought about your spouse. Chances are you will lay there and dwell on that for a moment and the more you dwell the more negative you become. There will definitely be no cuddling or coffee making at this point. You get out of bed and you continue to allow this negative thought to bounce around in your head. You start adding to it with other negative thoughts. By the time your spouse has gotten up, you are ready to ring the bell. The battle has already started in your head and it is about to start in real life. Meanwhile, your spouse has just gotten out of bed and probably has no idea why you are so upset.
These are just hypothetical examples, of course, but what I wanted you to see is thoughts come first then actions follow. Everything we say and do starts with a thought.
Whatcha Thinkin About?
Men, how many times has your wife looked at you and asked you this question? Ladies, how many times have you asked your husband this question? Probably a ton.
This is a very important question, but maybe not in the way you think. This is a question you should be asking YOURSELF!
If every action started with a thought, we need to make sure our thoughts are in line with the Word of God. We need to make sure we are not thinking about negative things all the time because if we are negative actions will follow.
So how do we change our thoughts?
What do we do to make sure we are not dwelling on the wrong things?
Change Your Thoughts Change Your Marriage
For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. 2 Corinthians 10:4-6
Taking Thoughts Captive…
The first thing we have to do is take these thoughts captive.
We have to think about what we are thinking about. When a thought pops into your head about your spouse or marriage grab the thought and ask these questions.
- Is this positive or negative?
- If I continue to think about this will it produce positivity or negativity?
- Will this thought comply me to do something life-giving or life-draining?
Once you have your answers to these questions then you take action. If it is a good thought you continue on with your day. If it is negative you follow the instructions Paul gives to the Corinthians. You make that thought obedient to Christ.
Making Thoughts Obedient to Christ…
You can do this in several ways but we are just going to focus on one.
You change the negative thought to a positive one.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8
An example of this would go something like this…
Let’s say your spouse says or does something and this thought pops in your head. “They don’t care about me at all.”
Clearly, this is a negative thought. You have taken it captive. You know this will not bring life to your relationship so the next step is to change it. Think back on the good things your spouse has said or done that proved to you they did care for you. Think about those times and remember the good. Remind yourself what a good person your spouse is and it is ok if they have a bad day here and there, it does not make them a bad person.
Think the Truth, Speak the Truth…
Some thoughts are hard to bounce back from. The enemy does not fight fair. He knows that if he can control our minds, he can control our emotions and our actions. There will be times that you will have to do this third step to completely conquer your thoughts and change them… you will have to speak up.
We can do this in two ways…
When you have turned that negative thought around, speak the positive out loud.
You can remind the enemy of all the good you see in your spouse or you can quote Bible verses and insert your spouse’s name in them.
Alex likes to us the verses in Corinthians on love. He replaces love with my name anytime he has negative thoughts. Ex. Tara is patient. Tara is kind.
Talk to Your Spouse…
Recently the enemy has been trying to mess with my thoughts concerning Alex. I knew what was happening and I was doing everything I have mentioned above to fight it but it was still a struggle. Finally, I sat down with Alex, told him exactly what was happening, and asked him to pray for me.
Only after we had this conversation did the enemy back off. The truth of the matter is we are strong together. Marriage is a union and when we are walking together we are stronger.
Alex said something that day that really stuck with me.
A Fight is Still a Fight
“Even if you are trained for a fight, it is still a fight.”
Alex Payne
I knew all the right things to do in this situation but it did not make it easier. It was still a fight. The enemy will fight hard for your mind, but be encouraged, he is no match for God and His word.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
When you decide to take your thoughts captive, it will not be easy but it will be worth it. Your marriage will be changed because of it and you and your spouse will be stronger together.
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2
Changing your thoughts will not only change your marriage, it will change your life. You will be happier and healthier when you dwell on the things above.
This is something you will have to do for the rest of your life, but friends, the abundance you will experience will be worth the fight!
You can do this.
We are praying for you.
For more ways to change your thoughts check out our book, “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage”, by clicking here.
Start your day off on a positive note but starting our 7 day reading plan with your spouse. You can find it by clicking here.