Abnormal Marriage

Hello Friends,

Alex and I both had the opportunity to read the book “Understanding Yourself and Others”. It is one of the required materials for the Church of God Ministerial Program. It is all about psychology and why people act in certain ways. If you have been following us a while you know this is right up our alley. We love personality tests and believe they can benefit marriages.

One of the chapters was entitled, “Abnormality”. This chapter did not pertain specifically to marriage; however, we took away some great points that we believe can help grow our marriage and yours as well. So let’s jump in!

Abnormal Vs. Normal

In this chapter, they talked about abnormal behavior and how to spot it. For one to spot abnormal behavior we first have to have a baseline, right? We have to have something to measure the behavior by. So to define abnormal behavior at all we have to define normal. So what is normal?

Normal is hard to nail down because what is a normal behavior in one culture is considered strange in another. What one family considers normal behavior could be something repulsive to another. So normal is defined loosely on the culture in which you find the behavior.

To put is simply normal is whatever the majority is doing in their particular area.

With that definition of normal in mind we can now define abnormal behavior as any behavior that goes against the majority.

The Normal Marriage

Now let’s look at this from a marriage point of view. If we look at the majority of marriages we can see a pattern of normal behaviors.

In a “Normal” Marriage…

• The husband and wife talk about their spouses negatively to others.
• Communication is a problem or nonexistent.
• Both the husband and wife either do not know their Biblical roles or blatantly disregard them.
• Sex is very rare and usually contingent on behavior.
• Friends, jobs, and “anything” are put before the marriage.
• Harshness and angry are the tones heard in the house on a regular basis.
• Divorce is always an option and can be used at any time.
• The couple does not reach out for help at all, they give up instead of reaching out.

When we look at this list we see that “normal” and being like the majority is not always a good thing. Marriage generally is viewed as a negative thing but it is because most couples are not happy. So the normal is to be married but not happy.

Let’s Be Weird

This idea of the “normal” marriage does not sit well with us here at ABA. We don’t want a “normal” marriage for ourselves or anyone else. We believe marriage is God’s idea. It is a good idea, and it can be a beautiful adventure.

Why be like the majority if the majority is miserable?

Let’s be weird! Be different! Let’s be happily married and encourage others to be happily married as well! Let’s go against the majority and be abnormal!

The Abnormal Marriage

To be abnormal, one must go against the majority! Let’s take the list from above and use it as a starting point to change from the normal marriage to the abnormal one!

In the “Abnormal” Marriage…

• The husband and wife are intentional about using their words to build their spouse up around others.
• Communication is worked on every day! You learn what ways work best and use them regularly.
• Both people dive into God’s Word to find out what their Biblical roles are. They then pray and try to fulfill those roles in their marriage.
• Sex is never used as a weapon or a reward. It is a gift.
• The marriage relationship is the top priority only after their individual relationship with God. God first! Spouse second!
• Kindness and patience and grace are the tones heard frequently in the home.
• Divorce is NEVER an option which forces the couple to work out any problem.
• The couple has and goes to their mentors, counselors, and pastors for any wisdom or help they may need.

Disclaimer!

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light 1 Peter 2:9

As Christians, we were never meant to be normal. We are meant to be different from this world and show the world, Jesus. One way we can do that is by having a happy and Christ-centered marriage. A marriage that shows the love and joy of Jesus. A marriage that is different from the majority.

However, when you go against the majority you will catch some slack! The normal marriages will not understand the differences they see and may even criticize you for making these changes! That’s ok, you are not doing this for anyone’s approval but Gods! You are doing this so you can be happily married and by enjoy this gift God has given you, you are showing the world, Jesus!

When we focus on our most valuable earthly relationship three things will happen!

1. You will be abnormal BUT you will have joy in this life that few have! The joy of enjoying your marriage and your life with your spouse.
2. Others will see this difference and want what you have! You will have the ability to impact others.
3. Others will see what you have and want to destroy it. Don’t let them destroy your happiness! Put your focus on your marriage and if that means losing some friends… so be it! Your marriage is more important.

You can do this!

We are praying for you!

For more ways to make your marriage “abnormal” check out our book, “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage: A Guide to the Marriage God Created for You” by clicking here.