Hello Friends,
Today will are going back to the basics. We are talking about something found in the Bible that can totally change your marriage if you start to apply it. Something easy if you are intentional about it. Something you were probably taught early. This is something you probably do every day with random people you come in contact with but maybe you have not been practicing it well in your marriage. Let’s jump in!
What is Love?
When you stand up in front of all your friends and family on your wedding day, you vow to love your spouse come what may. You make a promise to them and God to love them to the best of your ability.
So, what exactly are we promising to do? What does it mean to love someone? What does love even mean? Most people think of love as that fuzzy feeling you get when you see or touch your spouse but that is not the full definition of love at all. Love is so much more than just a fuzzy fleeting feeling. In the New Testament, we find the definition of what love is. Let’s look at those verses together.
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It’s not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
From these verses, we see that love is much more than a feeling. It is a choice. We actively put on love every day. Without this knowledge of what love is and the intentionality of actively loving our spouse every day, we will not be able to fully keep our promise to God or our spouse. So let’s focus on the first part of 1 Corinthians 13 and see what we can do to put on love.
Love endures with patience and serenity
Love is kind and thoughtful
To start walking out the definition of love in your marriage you need to be patient and kind. Again these are basic principles we are taught as children but they sometimes fall through the cracks in a marriage. Our spouses get to see the real us. They get to see the “first thing in the morning not so shiny” version of us.
And I want to be very plain upfront, I think that is a beautiful part of marriage. I love that I do not have to be perfect in front of Alex all the time and vice versa. There is something wonderful about having a person who sees you at your best and worst and still looks at you and chooses you every day.
However, we can take that transparency to far. We can get frustrated easily with our spouses and not show them grace. We can let words fly that are very hurtful to our spouses. Words and reactions we would never say to a random person, friend, or coworker.
If you find yourself guilty of treating other people better than your spouse, make today the day you fix it. Let’s go back to the basics, press pause, and make sure we are truly loving our spouses well. How do we do that? With two simple questions!
Two Basic Questions that Will Change Your Marriage
As you go about your day and you come in contact with your spouse, pause. Pause before you speak or act and ask yourself these two questions.
What I am about to do or say…
Am I being patient with my spouse?
Are you showing grace to your spouse by being patient with them or are you showing frustration and angry.
Am I being kind to my spouse?
Are your actions and words kind or mean? Is the tone of your voice soft or harsh?
Once you have the answers to these questions you have a choice to make. If you are being patient and kind great, respond to your spouse. However, if you see that what you are about to do or say is not patient and kind, change your response.
Have the Hard Conversations
Now be sure to understand this. I am not saying do not have conversations that need to be had. If there are things that need to be changed, have those hard conversations, and change those things. But, you can be patient and kind in the process. There is a way of saying, “I don’t like this. We need a change.” without being mean and hateful to your spouse. Hard does not mean harsh.
Colossians 4: 6 confirms this fact of hard conversations can be had with grace.
Let your speech at all times be gracious and pleasant, seasoned with salt, so that you will know how to answer each one [who questions you].
In a Nutshell…
Remember our spouses get the best and worse of us. Let’s not treat a stranger with patience and kindness and not our spouses. If you start showing your spouse love by simply being patient and kind with them you will see a difference in your marriage. Everyone responds best when they are treated well.
Love your spouse well today!
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
For more resources on improving your marriage check out our blog “3 Ways to Navigate Conflict in Your Marriage.” by clicking here.
To purchase our book, “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage: A Guide for the Marriage God Created for You” click here.