Hello Friends,
The skyline of St. Louis was a beautiful sight. When Alex and I and the McCalls finally saw the buildings, we knew the long haul was over. We knew we were almost to our final destination. It had been a long 9 days and an even longer last few hours, but we were almost there. We were about to eat the best BBQ in the United States.
For Alex’s 30th birthday, we and the McCalls drove from Alabama to the Grand Canyon to go skydiving. We decided to take a long way home and go to St. Louis. Alex and I wanted to share something with the McCalls we had already experienced, the best BBQ in the United States. Alex and I had taken a random trip to St. Louis on our way home from Texas a few years prior and a friend of ours told us about a restaurant called Pappy’s that we should try while we were there. The food is phenomenal, so we decided, after we left the Grand Canyon, we would go up through Utah and Colorado, spend some time there, then shot across Kansas eat at Pappy’s in St. Louis and then start our descent into Alabama. This seemed like a great plan. Honestly, it was a great plan, however, there was one thing that none of us accounted for- the miles between us and the BBQ!
I’m sure you are thinking “miles” you have been driving for days now and you did not account for the last few miles?!? Let me explain what I mean. The trip to the Grand Canyon was so very scenic. There were canyons, deserts, and mountains. There was so much to see on our way to the Grand Canyon, and then, after we left there we went into Utah and Colorado. At that point, those two states were some of the most beautiful we had seen. You are in the midst of the Rocky Mountains and it is breathtaking. Everywhere we looked there was something beautiful that the Lord had created. We were constantly pointing and oohing and awing at something. We left the Rockies and had a straight shot from there to St. Louis through Kansas. Here is where the problem came. Kansas is a part of the Great Plains region, although that area holds its own beauty it is completely flat with very little to see scenically. Especially if you are doing a straight shot on the interstate. So, we left a place that was very aesthetically pleasing, for an area that was flat and, we were just passing through on our way to get ribs. We had food on the brain and nothing to take our minds off of it. For 7 plus hours, we drove through Kansas thinking about ribs, eating every snack we had, and growing more bored by the minute. We had seen beautiful mountains and deserts. We had jumped out of a plane at 15 thousand feet at the Grand Canyon. We had hiked at 12 thousand feet elevation and had a snowball fight in June in Colorado and camped in the Rockies and we had the promise of the best BBQ in the United States ahead of us however we had to put in the miles if we were going to get to it. We had to endure the flat, seemingly endless miles to get where we wanted to go and to eat what we wanted to eat. The miles from the Kansas state line to Pappy’s Smokehouse, 671 miles to be exact, never seen to end but we kept going! Did we complain, yes! Were there moments we questioned whether these ribs were worth it, yes! Did we give up, no! Because we endured the miles, we got what we were going for, Pappy’s! We received the promise we were searching for, ribs!
Your Promises Awaits
Just like we had the promise of ribs ahead of us while we were traveling through Kansas, we all have the promise of a happy marriage if we chose to pursue it. We can be happily married to the same person regardless of whatever situations might arise.
The difference between a couple that makes it to their promise and a couple that doesn’t is one word- endurance.
What does it mean to endure? According to google endurance means the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way. Endurance simply means to not give up. To set a goal and to do everything it takes to accomplish that goal regardless of how the situation looks. It means you do not throw in the towel when things get hard but continue forward. I personally like how our friend Andy defines endurance. His definition of the word is, “Sometimes you have to embrace the suck.” Both definitions mean the same thing. There are things that can be avoided in this life and if that is the case avoid them but there are some things we just have to go through.
The main goal here is to go through them WITH your spouse instead of giving up on your spouse.
For you have need of patient endurance [to bear up under difficult circumstances without compromising], so that when you have carried out the will of God, you may receive and enjoy to the full what is promised.
Hebrews 10:36 Amplified Version
In Hebrews, it tells us that we have a need for patient endurance if we are going to carry out the will of God in our lives. So, if that is the case what is God’s will when it comes to marriage? Let’s look in Matthew 19 for that answer!
For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined inseparably to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Matthew 19: 5-6 Amplified Version
Let No Man Separate!
So what is God’s will when it comes to marriage? It is God’s will that we do not get divorced and break the covenant we made before Him and our spouse. I love the wording of the amplified Bible when it says, “a man shall be joined ‘inseparably’ with his wife”. That one word says it all, inseparably means to be united. This unity is meant to be permanent. If we are going to carry out this part of God’s will endurance is something we will have to implement in our lives and in our marriages. We must make up our minds we are not going to give up on our spouses. We must make up our minds we are not going to give up on our marriages. We must guard our hearts against the lies our society is screaming at us. The lie that says marriage is a joke and worthless. The lie that says your spouse is replaceable whenever things get messy or hard. Amid these lies and whatever season of marriage, you are in, we must hold tightly to the truth and maintain unity with our spouse.
We must commit to the permanency of marriage. We do this by learning “to endure” in a Biblical way!
How to Endure!
We should never give up on our marriages, but I think sometimes we have a misunderstanding of certain things and I do not want that to happen here. I do not want you to go into this idea of patient endurance with a skewed understanding of what it means to endure something. Endurance is not passive and lazy. Endurance is not enabling situations that need to change. Endurance is not allowing things to continue in the same way with no hope of improvement. Endurance is definitely not staying in a dangerous or abusive situation. God hates divorce however He loves His children. When I say to endure, I mean, do not give up on your marriage just because it is hard. Do whatever needs to be done to change it for the better without giving up on it.
As you are looking at your own marriage. What is the struggle you are going through right now? What problems are continuously happening? What is an area of weakness you are experiencing? Now instead of just looking at the problem and seeing it as negative let’s flip our perspective. Let’s look and see if there is something that the Lord is trying to teach us through this. Let’s ask ourselves some questions.
- What Lessons Can “I” Learn from This?
- There is always a lesson the Lord is trying to teach us. Some are easier to learn than others. But let’s take a moment and prayerfully ask God what He is trying to teach us with whatever our current struggle is. Let’s also take our eyes off our spouse for a moment while we ponder this question.
- What Actions Can I take to Improve It?
- Once you have done some self-examination ask yourself what you can do to change your situation. We cannot continue to do the same old things and expect our marriage to get better. We cannot continue to use the same words and the same actions and expect a different relationship with our spouses. So, with that in mind once you have talked to God make the changes that need to be made.
- What Changes Can We Make as a Couple?
- Once you have done a lot of talking with the Lord, sit down and talk to your spouse. This may be an awkward conversation since you will be talking about parts of your marriage that are not ok. But “embrace the suck” and have the conversation. Just be careful with your words here. Remember you are not holy spirit junior. It’s all about the delivery. Come at it from a place of ownership of your part in the situation and from a desire of wanting the situation to improve. Come at it with tons of grace and love.
Never Give Up
As we are coming to the close of 2019, it is easy to look at our marriage and be discouraged because it does not look the way we thought it would. It is also easy in those moments of discouragement to believe it will never get any better, so why even try to improve it. Friends, your marriage is worth the work. Your spouse is worth the work. You are worth the work. Take ownership of your part, pray and ask for the strength to change. Sit down with your spouse and get a plan. 2020 is right around the corner! Don’t give up now! Let’s endure and make our marriage a beautiful adventure in this new year!
You can do this!
We are praying for you!