Proverbs: Creating a Home God can Bless

Hello Everyone,

We are currently doing a Proverbs study.

We started in Proverbs for two main reasons. 

  1. It specifically contains wisdom, knowledge, and understanding in how to live a life that honors God, it tells us that in the first 6 verses of the book. We talked about that in Episode 45. We broke down the original language of those words to get a better picture of just how important and practical the book of Proverbs still is to our lives and marriages.
  2. We believe that the Bible as a whole is God’s Word (Genesis through Revelation) and it contains everything we need not only to live life well but to have an amazing marriage. Proverbs is a great place to begin to see that because it acts like a bridge between the Old Testament and the New Testament. As you go through Proverbs you can connect the dots both forward and backwards. It reveals the Bible really is One Book, One Story. In Episode 46, we sat down with Rabbi Jeff and Sherri Friedlander and talked about the importance of Scripture and how it transforms us from the inside out. 

Today we are going to begin in chapter 3 and see where it takes us. Let’s look at verses 27-35

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back later—I’ll give it tomorrow,” when you have it with you. Don’t plot evil against your neighbor while he lives trustfully beside you. Do not quarrel with a man for no reason—if he has done you no harm. Do not envy a violent man or choose any of his ways. For the devious are detestable to Adonai, but He takes the upright into His confidence. Adonai’s curse is on a wicked house, but He blesses a righteous home. Though He scoffs at the scoffers, He gives grace to the humble. The wise inherit honor, but fools are held up in disgrace.

At first glance a few things stand out to me. It starts by telling us 5 things we should not do to our neighbor, then it tells us the kind of house and people the Lord blesses. But let’s go below the surface and ask a few questions.

What wisdom does the Lord have for us in this passage?

Just as a reminder, true wisdom is the ability to use knowledge correctly, judge situations wisely, and follow the best course of action based on understanding. So, let’s look at this and think about what we can learn and apply practically to our lives and marriages.

The glaring instruction here deals with a list of “do nots” when it comes to how we treat people. We are given 5 things we should not do.

As I was looking at this list more questions came to mind.

Why? Why are we told not to do these 5 specific things? Is God being restrictive? Does He just not want us to have free will to make our own decisions?

Or could it be possible that He knows what is best for us? Let’s see…

This passage answers these questions. These actions are DETESTABLE to Adonai. The Hebrew for detestable is “Toevah” and it means a disgusting thing, an abomination, or something that is unclean. This is definitely not what I want Adonai to see when he looks at me. But let’s apply this thought to our physical lives for a moment, if you get something disgusting on you, what could possibly happen?

And that’s not all, not only is this behavior harmful to you and others, and disgusting to Adonai, it only brings curses on the house. Proverbs doesn’t go into detail on what the curses would look like, but curses are never good.

By looking into that on word we can see that Adonai is not being a mean, restrictive God. He wants us to live the best life possible. One of shalom(peace) both with ourselves, our family, and others. He wants us to live a life that honors Him and one that He can bless. 

Can we read these verses and learn something about the way the Lord wants His people to live?

As we look at all the “Do Nots” it’s clearly telling us what not to do but we can reverse engineer these verses and get a picture of how we should treat people, and that tells us a lot about what a righteous home would look like, and what it means to be humble. So from these verses we can conclude that we should…

And what happens when we behave this way? In the physical, everyone benefits from this behavior. By walking out this Scripture, we are literally being like Yeshua. Acts 10:38 instantly pops in my mind. 

You know how God anointed Yeshua of Natzeret with the Ruach ha-Kodesh and power—how He went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, because God was with Him.

Honestly as we walk out these Scriptures, we are being obedient to a theme that we see throughout the entire Bible. Turning from evil and doing good for the benefit of others.

But let’s go back to Proverbs and look at the spiritual aspect. When we are obedient to God’s Word, we are taken into God’s confidence and our home is blessed. The Hebrew here paints a picture of becoming intimately close to Adonai. Being in His counsel, being His friend. That is the relationship we want here.

Not to be disgusting to God and detrimental to the people around us but to be counted as one of His close friends, going about doing good, and causing others to draw close to God. 

If we just stopped there and applied this to our lives, we would be moving in a great direction. Our lives and the people in them would benefit greatly. BUT what about marriage? How can we apply it to our marriage when this passage is talking about how to treat your neighbor?

How does the way I treat my neighbor have anything to do with how I should treat my spouse?

I (Tara) have always been taught that when you see the word “neighbor” in the Bible it doesn’t JUST mean the person who is living next to you, but it means everyone you come in contact with and if you look at the Hebrew it backs up that teaching.

Neighbor-(rea) friend, companion, another person (weaker sense), fellow citizen, intimate friend

Your neighbor is in fact whoever you come in contact with and that includes your spouse. In fact, I think it would ESPECIALLY mean your spouse. If God is that concerned with how we treat anyone we come in contact with, even if it’s just for a short moment, what do you think His thoughts are on how we treat the one we chose, the one we say we love, the one we are in covenant with?

My job comes to mind here, I (Tara) am a teller at a credit union. I see so many people, but it’s only for moments at a time. Based on God’s Word those people are my neighbors, and God wants me to treat them with love, kindness, and patience regardless of if I spend just 2 minutes with them. How much more love, kindness, and patience should I show Alex?

Next to our relationship with God, our marriage is our most important earthly relationship. It’s the relationship we should be the most intentional with, the one we invest in the most, and the one that takes priority.

The way we treat our spouse matters, and it doesn’t matter if you have been married 5 minutes, 5 years, or 55 years you should treat your spouse with love and kindness and that should be reciprocated back. 

So, let’s look at this scripture again but this time with our spouse in mind. Is there any wisdom here that can be applied practically to marriage?

Don’t hold back good especially when it’s in our power to act.

We are so great at this in the early years, but as time goes on in a relationship it’s easy to lose momentum here. The compliments get fewer and fewer. In some cases, they get replaced altogether but insults and criticism.

Don’t put things off when they can be done right now.

How many arguments could be avoided if we did this one thing in marriage? Frustration will arise if things continually get put off. Whether it be projects around the house, not keeping your word in general, etc. If we say we are going to do something, we need to honor our spouse and do it.

Don’t plot evil against another person.

I hope no one is out there plotting evil against their spouse but how often are you thinking about them in a negative way? How often have you spoken down to them or shared something about them to someone else that was not positive? How many arguments have you had mentally before you even see your spouse to discuss an issue?

Don’t quarrel or cause conflict for no reason.

In marriage it really is the little things that will get you if you are not careful. You can find yourself bickering about every little thing and in most cases it’s just not that serious.

Don’t envy a violent man and choose his ways

The Hebrew for violent is Khamas and it means violence, cruelty, and injustice. Think about that in reference to your marriage. The Word is telling us not to envy that person or act like them.

What would happen in our marriage if we did? If we choose to be cruel to our spouse consistently, what would be the outcome? Probably, divorce. But if they stay, would the relationship be healthy or happy? Would it further the Kingdom of God? How would your children turn out and what would their picture of a healthy marriage look like? Do you think they would end up divorced someday? 

These are important questions that need to be approached pray fully. The way we handle our marriage doesn’t just affect us.

The world is showing us what happens when a couple does not apply God’s Word to their marriage.

In a news article entitled, “Gray Divorce is on the Rise and Relationship Experts Think This is Why” we found some interesting statistics and theories.

While you might be familiar with the often-referenced statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, you may not know when those breakups most often happen. Turns out, “gray divorces” (a.k.a. splits after age 50) have more than doubled in recent years.

In 1990, 8.7 percent of all divorces happened among adults 50 and older, but by 2019, that number had grown to 36 percent.

This shows the importance of continually investing in your marriage. The way we treat our spouse matters, we said earlier it does not matter if you have been married 5 minutes, 5 years, or 55 years you should treat your spouse with love and kindness and that should be reciprocated back. I believe this article gives us a glimpse of what happens when we don’t.

Individual humans evolve throughout their lives, which can cause couples to grow apart, and, eventually, call it quits, says Brown. In fact, this is often the main reason for “gray divorce,” rather than a particular event or transgression, like adultery.

So at the beginning of this podcast we said we were going to address 4 questions. We have looked at 3 of them so far and answered them through the filter of Scripture. Now it’s time for Alex and I as a couple and you as the listener to look at the 4th question.

Can God bless my life and my home based on my behavior right now?

We encourage you to really be prayerful both individually and as a couple as you search your heart and your actions to honestly answer this question. 

If the answer is yes! That’s great, keep going, keep investing in your marriage. It will only become better as time goes on. But don’t let this be the only time you ask this question. It’s wise to consistently check in to make sure we are living our lives in a way that honors God.

If the answer is no! Make the changes necessary for the answer to be yes. If the Lord has convicted you during any aspect of this podcast, start there. Change one thing, and then move on from there. Small steps consistently over time creates significant impact. 

Invite the Rauch (Holy Spirit) to help you. He is so kind and gentle and will gladly come to your aid. Reach out to us, or to someone you trust for help. Asking for help is extremely brave and your marriage is worth it. 

Remember our passage tells us, God gives grace to the humble. Be honest about where you are, ask God and someone trustworthy for help, do good, invest in your marriage. God will do His part. 

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