Hello Friends,
A year ago we did a blog on Answering the Emotional Calls. It was a very popular blog so we wanted to take the time to dive a little deeper into this topic because it can be so beneficial in having a healthy, Godly marriage where both parties are happy and fulfilled. So let’s go!
What Is The Emotional Call?
What exactly is an emotional call?
An emotional call is any signal or requests you or your spouse sends out when an emotional connection is desired.
It can be as bold as a straightforward question – “Let’s go on a date.” Or it can be as subtle as a little sigh when you are looking at your phone or watching tv.
People send out thousands of emotional calls a day with one goal – to make an emotional connection with another person. According to the blog, The 10 Best Pieces of Marriage Advice from 126 Scientific Studies, “Emotional connection is the single largest predictor of marital success, and your emotional connection is composed of thousands of tiny emotional calls.”.
Since answering emotional calls in a positive way is so important to our marriage let’s look at three areas where you can really focus on spotting them and answering them well.
The 3 “A”s of An Emotional Call
If our spouse is sending out thousands of emotional calls it can be easy to simply overlook them. You may even look back at your day and see the missed opportunities and feel overwhelmed. Let’s narrow things down a bit and focus on three ways you can answer these calls every day.
Attention
Life is hectic and we are all running around (as my mama used to say) “Like chickens with our heads cut off.” After a long day, your spouse may simply want some attention. I say simply but I also understand that after a long full day that may seem like a big task. Maybe you just want to relax and drown out the day. Maybe you have used “all your words” and you just want to watch tv and zone out.
Regardless of how your day or theirs has gone, answering this call for attention is necessary.
Here is the good news. It doesn’t have to be this long-drawn-out thing. It just takes a plan and a little intentionality.
Talk to your spouse and get a plan
Sit down and plan out your time so you both know the expectation. Alex and I never bombarded each other right when we walk in the door. We greet each other and may ask a few questions about the day but then we eat supper and watch an episode of some show and relax. Then if there is something that needs to be said that needs our full attention we address it.
Tips On Paying Attention To Your Spouse
- Remove all distractions (put the phone down)
- Make eye contact (nothing shows full attention better than eye contact)
- Have a good attitude (remember we have to answer theses calls in positive ways)
- Really listen to understand not to respond (Your spouse may need to just vent, not for you to fix it)
- Set a time if needed (Agree to after you eat or relax, maybe it will be after the kids are in bed, whatever works best for you and your spouse.)
Remember the fact that your spouse wants your attention is not “another thing on your plate.” It is a good thing. It means they love you and they value your presence and opinion. By being intentional about giving your spouse some attention each day you will definitely be answering some emotional calls.
Bonus tip – If you find when you are together your spouse is asking questions, or trying to start up conversations. Maybe they sit beside you and sigh when you are watching tv. Ring Ring- they are looking for your attention.
Affirmation
Although there are some people who thrive off affirmation, everyone needs it from time to time. Words of affirmation can change our whole day. It can turn a bad day into a good day. By taking a few moments to say “good job” or “hey, you sexy”, you are making investing in your marriage and answering those calls.
Tips On Affirming Your Spouse
- Say something positive about your spouse every day (to them)
- Send a surprise text from time to time (set a reminder on your phone if this is something you may forget)
- Find out what affirmation means the most and use it (this takes trial and error)
- Remember even if your spouse’s love language isn’t words everyone needs to hear good from time to time (maybe once a day is enough)
A compliment literally takes seconds of our time, but it may stick with the person for a lifetime. By speaking those words or sending that text, you very well make be answering that emotional call right when it is needed most.
Bonus tip – If your spouse says things like, ” I did_________ today”, “Do you like my new dress?”, “I’m not sure I did this right?” Ring Ring – they are looking for affirmation.
Affection
I saved the best “A” for last – Affection. Affection can take place in or outside of the bedroom. Whether it is sex or a hug when you first come home, affection is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. If your spouse’s love language is physical touch it is a VERY fundamental part, but everyone wants affection from the person they married.
Tips On Showing Affection To Your Spouse
- Know where your spouse stands on affection (is it a private or public thing for them – you don’t want to embarrass them)
- Be intentional everyday to touch your spouse in some way (this can be sexually or non-sexually)
- Have sex (a lot)
- As long as it isn’t inappropriate, don’t discourage your spouse from being affectionate (ladies, I’m talking to you)
Affection can be as simple as holding a hand or as extravagant as a romantic weekend away. The point here is to answer the emotional call for physical connection. Let your significant other know they are still the only one for you. That you still find them attractive and desire only them.
Bonus Tip – I ask Alex what would be his tip on showing your spouse affection. He said we should take the wisdom given to us by Charley Pride. “You’ve got to kiss an angel good mornin’ and let her know you think about her when you’re gone. Kiss an angel good mornin’ and love her like a devil when you get back home.” So there you have it.
Making An Emotional Connection
Just like answering a real phone call, emotional calls are all about connecting with the other person. When your spouse sends out a call they are conveying the message, “I need you”. The world wants us to believe that we shouldn’t “need” anyone but that is a lie. We need God. We need our spouses. That is a beautiful thing!
We were created for connection and what better person to get connected with than your husband or wife.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
Check out our book, “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage: A Guide for the Marriage God Created for You” for more ways to connect with your spouse.