Hello Friends,
Faithfulness and loyalty are fleeting character traits these days. People say their vows, and, in some cases, they never intend on keeping them. They are just words to be repeated but hold no promise or commitment. How sad is it that some people go into a marriage with the mindset they can still do anything or have anyone they want?
Here at A Beautiful Adventure, we believe our vows should be taken seriously. We have talked earlier about how marriage is a model of Christ and His church. When we love like Jesus and choose to honor our vows it not only benefits us. It can also benefit others as we give them a godly model to follow.
What Does Faithfulness Even Mean?
Faithfulness is the concept of unfailingly remaining loyal to someone or something and putting that loyalty into consistent practice regardless of extenuating circumstances. It may be exhibited by a husband or wife who, in a sexually exclusive marriage, do not engage in sexual relationships outside of the marriage.
If you walk up to anyone on the street and asked them what faithfulness meant, I believe they could give you an answer. To most people, it means you do not sleep with other people once you are married. Although that is true faithfulness has many layers and that is just one of them.
Our definition of faithfulness goes like this. Faithfulness means choosing your spouse over everyone else. Then you continue to choose them every single day just like the Lord does with us. Faithfulness means you honor your vows and live your life in a way that fulfills them.
So yes, only sleeping with your spouse is one way to remain faithful to them but there are countless other ways to “choose” your spouse every day. We want to use this blog to talk about one of those ways.
Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.
– Proverbs 4:23 Amplified Version
Be Careful Little Eyes What You See
When God designed marriage, He designed it to be a relationship where one man and one woman commit to being with each other, and only each other, in every way. We are to find sexual fulfillment with one person and one person only and, contrary to what our society tells us, that is totally possible.
One way to guarantee that fulfillment is only coming from your spouse is to not view porn. Porn is a subject people tend to shy away from. No one wants to have a conversation about it and people definitely don’t want to admit they watch it. However, a lot of people think it is perfectly harmless to do so. The truth is porn is a form of being unfaithful. You are choosing something over your spouse. But it doesn’t stop there, it is also dangerous not just to our marriages, but also to the person watching it.
The Dangers of Porn
Porn shifts your desires to someone or something else
When you start looking at porn you are choosing that over your spouse. By viewing it, you are non-verbally saying your spouse is not good enough or sexy enough. You are non-verbally saying you would rather be with a piece of paper or a video than be with your spouse.
Porn brings out the spirit of resentment and comparison comes into the equation
Comparison is something most people deal with. We have the tenacity to measure ourselves based on others. Resentment leaves us bitter and angry. If comparison and resentment are in your marriage it will only produce division.
Porn brings deception into your marriage
We lie to cover up something we know is wrong. So now not only are we being unfaithful but we are lying to our spouses as well. Lies never get smaller. The more we lie the bigger they get. What may have started out very small becomes something that our whole life revolves around now.
Porn is addictive
The more you watch, the more you want to watch. The more you watch, the more time you spend away from actual people and normal relationships. Much like drugs, what once worked does not work for long. You have to go deeper and darker into porn the more you watch it.
What You Cultivate Becomes What You Crave
The fact is our flesh will crave whatever we give it. If you eat healthily, your body will crave healthy foods. If you eat like a trash panda that will be all your body wants. The same is true with porn. The more you watch, the more you will crave it until your desires will turn toward it over your spouse. Porn has the ability to rewire your body to where it is the only thing you want. You will get to a point where given the option between it and your spouse you would pick it every time. You choose darkness, shame, and isolation over being in an intimate sexual relationship where you find connection both spiritually and physically with your spouse.
This is why it is important to cultivate a craving for your spouse alone. One where they are the only ones that we want to be with. The same is true for them. The more you are with them, the more you will want to be. Cultivate an appetite for your spouse!
Grace Abounds!
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:28
These are just a few of the dangers associated with watching porn. Here is the bottom line when it comes to porn in marriage. It is a form of unfaithfulness to your spouse. I know certain people may disagree with that but let’s look into the Word. Matthew makes it clear that if we even look at someone lustfully we have already committed adultery in our hearts, so I would say porn is definitely looking at someone lustfully. But here is the great news. The Bible doesn’t stop there. Jesus came and because of that, we are given the way for repentance, restoration, and revitalization.
But the Law came to increase and expand [the awareness of] the trespass [by defining and unmasking sin]. But where sin increased, [God’s remarkable, gracious gift of] grace [His unmerited favor] has surpassed it and increased all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, so also grace would reign through righteousness which brings eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 5:20-21
It does not matter how far you have gone when it comes to porn, you are not too far gone. Where sin is great, grace is greater. Pray and ask the Lord to set you free. Confined in a Pastor or mentor and ask for help and accountability. You are worth it. Your marriage is worth it.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
For a more in-depth study on how porn affects you mentally and physically check out Mark Gungor and his resources online.