Hello friends,
Communication. If you are newlyweds or have been married for a while you probably already know how important this is but also how difficult this can be in a marriage. We communicate with our spouses every day. Sometimes those conversations go well and sometimes they fail miserably. With this blog, we are going to dive into ways you can improve the communication that is happening in your marriage.
Communication is an Art.
There are so many ways to communicate now. You can call, text, post, email, or meet in person. All of these are good ways to communicate and stay connected but you also have to factor in that we all have different communication styles. Some people like all the details, some people barely talk at all. Some people are extremely private while others will talk to anyone about anything. Some of us are aggressive and confrontational while others are meek and passive. And if that was complicated enough add the human aspect of it. We communicate differently if we are hungry, tired, upset, or sick.
Communication is a Gift.
When you really start thinking about communication and all the different aspects of it, it can be very overwhelming. However, communication is such a good gift from God. It is where we get to express ourselves. The words we speak hold such great power. We get to use them in our marriages to connect with our spouses on a deeper level and work together as a team to make decisions. Communicating is the way we let our spouses know how much they mean to us and how much we love them.
Communicating with our spouse is a gift. We just have to use that gift in the correct way so it doesn’t turn into a weapon. Let’s look at some practical ways we can start communicating with our spouses today.
Ways to Improve Your Communication
The main issue in communication is we do not take the other person into account. We communicate in ways that make sense to us and we do not take the time to factor in all the different variables we talked about above. Words are not just words. We have to take the time to look at all the different variables around us before we dive into a conversation.
Timing
Saying the right thing at the right time is like a golden apple in a silver setting. Proverbs 25:11
Let’s start with the most important one. When it comes to important or hard conversations we need to be very intentional about our timing.
Choose your timing wisely. Observe your spouse, are they in a good place where they can handle a conversation? Treat them the way you would want to be treated by making sure they are ready for the conversation.
Times to stay away from…
- When they first wake up
- Right when they get home from work
- If they are overwhelmed and have a lot on their mind
- If they are tired or hungry
This may seem hard especially if there is something important that you really need to talk about. I’m not saying put it off, I’m just saying be wise about your timing. Instead of hitting your spouse without warning plan for the conversation. For example, when your spouse gets home from work tell them you need to talk to them but give them time to decompress from work, relax, and eat supper first.
Choosing the right time can be the difference between a great conversation or a full blown argument.
Couples who use wise timing when tough words must be said are bound to reap all the rewards that beautiful, healthy, and loving conversations have to offer.
Ryan and Selena Frederick~ See-Through Marriage
Remove Distractions
It is important during these conversations that you give each other your full attention. When a person doesn’t feel heard or appreciated an argument can happen quickly.
Remember at least one of you finds this very important or you would not be talking about it. Show your spouse respect by…
- Going to a private place where kids/family cannot hear
- Turn off all phones, TVs, or anything that can distract
- Make eye contact
- Focus on listening and understanding over just responding
Hard conversations are not fun. It is so easy to want to distract yourself or just put these conversations off entirely. However, if we do that our marriages will suffer. Take the time and do the work, your marriage and the way you communicate will start to improve.
Be Generous
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
When having these conversations we need to remember to be generous. How can we be generous during a hard conversation?
We can be generous with our time. Don’t rush your spouse and make them feel like they are not important. Take as much time as need to find the closure you need.
Be generous with your grace and forgiveness. In some conversations, your spouse may be the one in the wrong. In those moments let’s show them the grace of Jesus. They do not need you to emphasize that they are wrong. They probably are very much aware of it. Show them love, grace, and forgiveness instead.
Be generous with your words. Don’t let the conversation be one sided. Participate. How meaningful dialogue during this time not angry outburst. Really listen and then use your words wisely.
The Goal is Reconciliation
If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18
Remember we are not having these conversations because they are fun. We are having them because they are necessary for the growth and health of our marriages. The end goal is always the same. You want to have reconciliation. You want to be on the same team working together for a common goal.
There are no winners and losers during this time, just two people communicating their way to common ground.
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
For more ways to communicate better with your spouse check out Ryan and Selena Frederick’s new book “See-Through Marriage” by clicking here.
For more resources for your marriage check out our book “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage“