Hello Friends,
Alex and I have dedicated the month of February to shining a positive light on Ephesians 5. February is the month the world focuses on love. We believe the only way one can love their spouse the way the Lord intended is by walking out their Jesus roles. Both husbands and wives have been given certain roles in marriage. These are good roles given to us by our Daddy God. But like we said on our last blog the enemy has done a great job at distorting these roles so we believe they are bad things.
Two weeks ago we focused on the husbands and their role as servant leaders. This blog is all about the ladies. We are diving back into Ephesians 5 and we are tackling the topic of submission. We are shining a Biblical light on this word and you might be surprised to find out exactly what the Lord meant when He told the wives to submit to their husbands.
Wives, it’s your turn! let’s do this!
What is the Role of Godly Wives
I will go first today and tell you I fell hook, line, and sinker for the lies the enemy tells about submission. By the time Alex and I knew we were getting married I had a strong hate for Ephesians 5 and the word submission. But God in His graciousness took me on an adventure to show me the true Biblical definition of the word.
I’m here today to share with you what I learned during that time. And to get a really full picture of what our role is in marriage I think we need to go back to the very first wife. There is so much we can learn from Eve so let’s start in Genesis 2 when she is created!
Jesus Role- Strong Helper
Let’s start at the beginning in Genesis where God creates Eve
Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him. Genesis 2:18
So think about the creation story for a second. God has created everything then turned and declared it good! Good meaning- magnificent, the best it can be, perfect but then He looks at Adam (who He had already declared good) and said that it was not good for him to be alone
Adam without Eve is the first thing that God describes as imperfect.
So God sees imperfection and He fixes it. He puts Adam to sleep, and takes a piece of him, and makes Eve. He brings her to him. Here we see the first marriage with God officiating it. And in that marriage ceremony, he gave Eve her purpose. Alex called it the Jesus role in the last blog. Eve was to be- Adam’s helper.
So from this verse we are given our Jesus role in marriage as well.
We are to be the “Helper”
The English word “helper” does not sound very important, does it? It seems kind of lackluster. We are the helper. If our husbands need us we should be there, but only if he needs us. He probably won’t. That was how I saw it at first but that is not what the Lord means by a helper.
To know the real definition we need to look at the Hebrew. The Hebrew word of the helper is “‘Ezer”.
“Ezer” is almost always used in the Bible to describe God himself. That needed help. The help we can’t do without. Other times it is used to describe military help, such as reinforcements, without which the battle would be lost.
So when God calls us to be our husband’s “helper” it means to needed help. A strong help that the husband can’t live without.
Woman was made to be a “strong helper”.
When I look at the word “helper” from the definition it makes me feel very seen, loved, and needed. Women, we are daughters of the Most High God. We are valued and important. We were created on purpose with a purpose.
The Marriage Picture God is Painting for Us
Now with this new definition established, I hope you see how valuable you are, wives. Now it is important to remember though this does not make us the main character. It does not make man the main character either. God is the main character; however, it does start to show us this structure that God is forming. And we need to pay attention to that. God is the main character, then man, then woman.
So we know what our role is and how it was established from the beginning, we see that God is starting to paint a picture for us when it comes to marriage, so let’s keep going and talk about how we are to walk out our role as a strong helper.
To do that we have to go to our favorite chapter of the Bible ladies, Ephesians 5.
Wives and Biblical Submission
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24 (NIV)
For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33 (NIV)
So I want to focus on two things in these verses.
We are in the New Testament, so Jesus has come to earth for His bride and has died for her. So we can add Him to our structure.
God as the main character (ultimate source)
Jesus (the Savior) who came for the church
Husband (the servant leader) who is to love his wife like Christ loved the church
Wife (the strong helper) who is to submit to her husband
So everyone has a role and has been given the way to walk that role out. The wife (the strong helper) has been told to do two things here.
We are called to submit and respect our husbands.
With those two things in mind, let’s read another translation of those same verses because I believe it is a little easier to understand.
Submit VS Subject
Submit just means to yield to the will of another but the amplified version uses the word subject so let’s look at the definition and see how it will give us a better understanding of how we are to walk out our Jesus role as the strong helper.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house]. Ephesians 5:22-24 Amplified
Subject means to place oneself underneath. So in verse 22 the Lord is talking to the wives and saying…
“Wives, position yourself underneath your husbands.
Don’t Close the Browser!
Wives, I get it. The idea of placing yourself underneath something does not sound like a good thing. It sounds hard and heavy. It sounds unfair and scary. BUT hang in there with me. Remember God created us on purpose, with a purpose. He did not go to all that trouble to put us in oppression now.
So let’s look at this again. Yes, we are to place ourselves underneath our husbands BUT God has given our husbands boundaries.
What are those boundaries?
He is saying place yourself underneath your husband AS UNTO THE LORD. In verse 23 he says “the husband is the head of the wife, AS Christ is head of the church.
The boundaries are this- Your husband can not go outside of God in demanding your submission.
So we are to submit to our husband BUT with boundaries- the husband has been given good and godly boundaries.
Alex talked about this in the last blog. Husbands are the head AS Christ is the head of the church.
- Leading her to the Father
- Praying for her
- Protecting her
- Providing for her
What does this mean for us?
This means you are not a doormat, you are not to be used, abused either physically or emotionally. You are not to be mistreated or dominated! These boundaries take the oppression and fear out of it. It changes the picture from placing yourself underneath some heavy and hard to placing yourself underneath a covering. A covering is something that will protect you and provide for you, not something that will destroy you.
Oh, But Verse 24!
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house]. Ephesians 5:24
These boundaries are good, that’s great news! But let’s not overlook verse 24. If you have a husband that is staying within his boundaries you are to submit in everything.
Let’s think about that for a second, is that bad? If your husband is loving you like Christ loves the church… Is it a bad thing to submit? To place yourself underneath? No, when we know that we were created on purpose for a purpose, and we know we are a strong helper, and that our husbands are to lead like Christ.
It’s not a burden anymore. It is a place of privilege. It is a covering that provides protection and provision.
What if my husband is not loving me like Christ?
What if he isn’t saved?
Great, questions, let’s look and see what the Bible says about it.
Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 1 Peter 1:3
Not only is this a position of privilege but it is a position of power. The Lord can use us to bring our husbands to him if we remain obedient to what we are called to do. We are not going to have to be accountable for the actions of our husbands, but we will be responsible for ourselves. We have to stay in alignment and be obedient to the Father. Even we do that, we have the power to help draw our husbands to Christ.
How do we walk out this submission thing?
Well let’s look at verse 32:33
This mystery [of two becoming one] is great, but I am speaking with reference to [the relationship of] Christ and the church. However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear]. Ephesians 5:32-33 Amplified
We start with respect. Start by building that man up. Wives, we should use our words and our actions as tools to promote our men not tear them down. We speak into his strengths and we give him grace in his shortcomings.
Ladies, do you want your husbands to be the best husbands ever? Start telling him that he is the best husband ever. Speak that over him. Men thrive on respect and honor! It’s how God wired them! Treat him like you chose him!
With every act of respect and honor not only will you be lifting your man up but you will be positioning yourself where God called you. You will be protecting the privilege, and you will be under a covering of protection and provision.
Wives, you can do this ladies!
We are praying for you!
For more ways to be a godly wife check out our new book, “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage”, by clicking here.
Submit VS Subject notes came from a sermon series by Tony Evans. Check out the sermon by clicking here.