Hello Friends,
Being married and being happily married are two very different things. There are tons of couples out there who have not gotten a divorce, and may never intend to, but their love died a long time ago. You can see it in their faces, and hear it in their words. The passion is gone. They are married but their love has been snuffed out by the demands of life. Love that was once alive and thriving is now seemingly dead.
Here at A Beautiful Adventure Marriage, we believe you can be happily married. We believe even the love that has been pronounced dead can live again IF both people decided to invest in their marriage. Now we aren’t saying it will be easy, your situation may take years of work, but we are saying with God and two willing people it’s possible for your love to come alive again.
10 Years and Counting
In March, Alex and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. As we were looking back at the last ten years of our lives, we realized our love for each other has grown in that time. That is not to say the last ten years have been easy. Quite the opposite actually, during that time Alex and I have faced some of the hardest moments of our lives. Like everyone, we have lost loved ones and fought personal battles along the way. However, regardless of what was going on around us, or even with us, we found ways to invest regularly in our marriage, and we know that is what has kept our love alive and growing. It wasn’t because we were living a perfect life. We just took the time to invest in each other.
Investing in Your Marriage
Investing in your marriage does not have to be expensive or time-consuming, but it does need to be consistent. Regardless of the way you chose to invest in your marriage it needs to happen on a regular basis.
Chris and Jamie Bailey from Expedition Marriage put it like this.
Keep in mind that your marriage will be like a bowling ball on a hill. If you’re not actively moving it up it will start to slip. Marriage does take work, but most of that work is just being intentional.
Intentionality is key to keeping your love alive. By being intentional about those regular investments, you will see your relationship grow.
Fun Idea from a Podcast
One way I (Tara) invest in our marriage is by listening to podcasts. I find ones that are relevant to us then I use the wisdom and information I gain from them to pour into our relationship. A few months after our anniversary I ran across a podcast from the miniistry I mentioned earlier- Expedition Marriage.
In this particular podcast, they were talking about things they intentionally did that kept their love alive. Each one gave 3 things they personally did to help their love to thrive. I loved this idea and presented it to Alex.
We both took some time separately to think through what our 3 things would be, then we came together to discuss them. Below you will find the 6 things we do that we believe have helped to keep our love alive for the last 10 years!
Alex’s Three Ways to Keep Love Alive
Pulling each other to the Father
Putting God at the center of your marriage is crucial for a healthy and thriving relationship. In our marriage, there has been times when I (Alex) have been stronger spiritually then there were other times when Tara was. In other relationship will have learned you have to continually be moving toward the Father. We always put our focus on Him to get us through.
Communication
Communication is vitally important to a marriage. Over the last ten years, we have learned so much about communicating, and the truth is we are still learning. This is one area where you can’t be passive. Those lines of communication have to stay open.
Nudity
Sex is one of the ways you get to experience intimacy in your marriage. By sharing your body with your spouse regularly you keep that intimacy alive in your relationship. Although most people don’t believe this, you can be wildly attracted to your spouse and have a great sex life throughout your whole marriage.
Tara’s Three Ways to Keep Love Alive
Friendship
Alex and I are best friends. We truly love spending time together and just hanging out. We have fun together and we laugh often. This fun and laughter has helped carry us through some really hard seasons.
Over-Communication
We mentioned communication above, and I honestly can’t overstate how important communication is to a marriage. For more information about the ways we communicate check out our blog from two weeks ago.
We Prioritize Each Other
With the exception of Jesus, we are number one in each others lives. This means if one of us need each other, everything else gets put on pause. We don’t disregard our responsibilities, but we prioritize our best yes in those moments- which is each other.
Now It’s Your Turn
We challenge you to do the same thing we did. Go to your spouse and ask them this question.
“What three things do we do that have kept our love alive?”
If your marriage is in a hard season you could ask?
What three things should we start doing to revive our love?”
Give each other some time to process through the list, and then come back and share your answers with each other. Through this exercise you will learn what is working or what would work. You will find out what is important to your spouse. Then you get to go and be intentional about those things!
Your love can be alive and thriving!
You can do this!
We are praying for you!