Hello Friends,
Every Friday, we send out a Friday Focus on our Facebook and Instagram page. We issue a small little challenge that a couple can intentionally focus on to invest in their marriage. Last week, the focus was, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”. It was an encouragement to not stress when everything doesn’t get accomplished. (Because honestly, when does that ever happen, right?) During that post, I made this comment. “The truth is when you say yes to one thing it means you are saying no to another. So choose your best yes today.”
This began a thought process for me, there are opportunities in marriage to choose your best yes every day. But what exactly is your best yes? Although it will be different for everyone, we want to use this blog as a starting line. We want to give you a few places you could start looking for your best yes. Let’s get started.
What is a “Best Yes”?
Whether it seems like it or not, when you say yes to one thing you are saying no to something else. We have a million things buying for our attention every day and the choices we make show what we deem important. And for the most part, I believe we make good choices.
If you have a job that supports your family it is a wise choice to go to it. If you have children being attentive and present is a fantastic choice. When the car needs gas or the house needs cleaning, you are being a good steward when you take care of them. However, sometimes we get so caught up in the rhythm of life, that those choices and a ton more come ahead of our spouses.
It is in those moments that we need to assess what the “best yes” would be and choose it. Now choosing the best yes doesn’t mean the other stuff isn’t important. It doesn’t mean the other stuff doesn’t need to get accomplished. It just means you have made the important the priority and you will get to the other stuff later.
So how do we start looking for the best yes? Well first, we have to get our ducks in the correct row.
The Biblical Order of Life
We live in a world that glorifies busyness. People wear their stress and burn out like a badge of honor. We as a society are overworked, overstressed, and are lead to believe that is the best yes. We are pressured on every side to appear as if we have everything all together. That is not only a lie but it is completely unbiblical.
The Bible is our ultimate guide to life. So what does it say about the way we should live our lives?
Let’s start with Sabbath!
“Remember the Sabbath (seventh) day to keep it holy (set apart, dedicated to God). 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath [a day of rest dedicated] to the Lord your God; on that day you shall not do any work, you or your son, or your daughter, or your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock or the temporary resident (foreigner) who stays within your [city] gates. Exodus 20:8-10
There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. Hebrews 4:9-11
Let’s start with rest. Not only do our bodies need it but it is Biblical. We are to take time every week to rest and recharge. I know it sounds easy to say- go rest, but I get that it is ridiculously hard. We all have loaded schedules. Important things that need to happen.
But…
Alex and I have found that when we honor the Lord, He honors us. We started intentionally practicing Sabbath about 2 years ago. We have a set time every week where we do not work, we rest. Resting being anything that recharges and refreshes us as a couple. It was not an easy habit to get into but amazingly once we did we realized that everything we need to get done was still getting done, we were just happier and healthier doing it.
Best Yes Number 1- Choose a time of rest every week.
God then Family
Another way you can choose your best yes is by using the Biblical order filter. It goes like this.
God-Spouse-Children-Ministry-Work
I want to start this section with a disclaimer- ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE IMPORTANT AND WORTHY OF OUR TIME. However, we have to have them in the correct order. It is when we get these out of order that things can go south.
When making a decision, pass it through this filter to see if everything is in its correct place.
God and our relationship with Him should be our number 1 priority. (God not ministry is first- there is a difference in the two). Choosing to spend time with the Father every day is definitely a best yes.
Your spouse comes next. We are to respect and love them well. You can do this by making them your next greatest priority. If you are too busy to spend time with your spouse… it is time to reassess some things. If everything comes before your spouse and they are the last person you consider… it is time to reassess things. I understand that there are other important things that need to get accomplish but time with your spouse every day whether big or small is your best yes.
Then come children. Children are extremely important and I believe if you have them they need you to be present and love them well but they do not need to come before your spouse. We see this a lot in marriages. They have children, make them the center of everything, and then when they leave the couple realizes they don’t know each other anymore. The best yes you can give your children is modeling the Biblical order and showing them how to honor their spouse. Then they will have a marriage model to use to base their own marriage on. What a legacy.
Then we have ministry and work. The last two in order of importance. Here’s the thing, once you have the other 3 in order, you will be able to manage these two easily. You will have healthy boundaries in place and because of that, you will be healthy and productive for the Kingdom and for your workplace.
Again I want to restate… all of these things are important but it is the order that we put them in that will determine if we are choosing our best yes.
No is a Holy Word
Getting your life into Biblical order will not be easy, to begin with. It will take some intentionality and honestly, a lot of NO. But saying “No” is not a negative thing. In fact, I believe it is a holy word when used to make the best yes in your life. By getting this order placed in your life you will not only be happier but you will be obeying the Lord, and He always blesses obedience.
Best Yes Number 2- Get Your Life in Biblical Order
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
There’s a season for everything and a time for every matter under the heavens Ecclesiastes 3:1
It is time we stop stressing over the small stuff. We all have a to-do list. We all have things that we want to look a certain way. There is nothing wrong with that unless you are putting it above everything else. Is a clean house important? Sure. Should your yard look nice? I think so. Does the to-list need to get done? Probably. But not at the expense of your relationship with God or your family.
Here is some hard truth I am going to try and deliver in a gentle way. I want you to answer these questions for yourself?
Why do I want things a certain way?
Is it because it is life-giving and benefits your family? Or is it out of envy and wanting to gain approval from the world?
Why does the house/yard have to be spotless and perfect?
Does it make your space warm and inviting for you and your spouse to spend time together? Or is it cold because you are always cleaning or having them do something and never spend time together?
There is nothing wrong with a to-list as long as we keep it in balance and are not doing it to “keep up with the Jones.” Unfortunately, I believe if we are really honest with our selves we might see that some of the stuff we just “have to” get done is really coming from a place of wanting approval from people who don’t matter.
Here is the truth- When you say yes to one thing, you are saying no to another. So try to have a clean house or get some things on your to-do list done, but don’t stress if it doesn’t always get accomplished. There is always tomorrow.
Let there be dishes in the sink or clothes in the washer, relax and spend some time with your spouse.
Best Yes Number 3- Don’t Stress Over the Small Stuff
Loosen Your Grasp
A happy heart is good medicine and a joyful mind causes healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22
Another way to embrace your best yes is to loosen up and have fun. Is there something your spouse wants to do “just because” that you have said no to? Is there something you want to do “just because” but you haven’t because it’s silly or someone might think it’s stupid?
WHO CARES! GO FOR IT!
Forget what others think about you and your marriage and go have a good time together. Laughter is good for us, our lives, and our marriages.
Alex and I have had some of the best times from ideas that others would deem silly or childish. When one of us presents an idea it goes through this filter.
Is it illegal? Is it immoral? Will it make them happy?
If the first two answers are no and the third is yes, we go for it.
We have been skydiving at the Grand Canyon, Alex has dressed like Clint Eastwood and rode a horse in Montana, and I have been a fairy in the Redwood Forrest- all within the last couple of years- just because we wanted to. It made us happy and we got to experience it all together which brought us closer.
Best Yes Number 4- Don’t worry about what others think- say yes and have fun!
Say Yes to Sex
Don’t refuse to give your bodies to each other. But you might both agree to stay away from sex for a while so that you can give your time to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not be able to tempt you in your weakness. 1 Corinthians 7:5
Finally, we can choose our best yes by saying yes when our spouse wants to have sex. It seems like all we want is sex and then we get married and that changes. This should not be the case. Sex is a good thing and we should enjoy it with our spouse.
There will be a lot of situations in life when sex can not happen for whatever reason, don’t add to those times. Anytime you can say yes… say yes. This will not only make your spouse happy but it will keep your marriage passionate and alive.
Best Yes Number 5- Have Sex!
Your Marriage is Important!
By choosing the best yes in marriage, you are telling your spouse, and the people around you, that you believe your marriage is important and deserves your time. When you have a happy and healthier marriage and all the other important things are in their proper place you will indeed be living in abundance.
Go out and choose your best yes today!
You can do this!
We are praying for you!
Best Yes in Two Clicks
Your best yes may be making an investment into your marriage. We have two resources for you that you can start today!
First is our free 7-day marriage reading plan on the YouVersion Bible App. You can find this by clicking this link.
Our other resource is our book, “A Beautiful Adventure Marriage”. It is a guide that will help you have a happy and healthy marriage. Marriage is God’s idea. It is a good idea and it can be a beautiful adventure.” Click here to start your adventure today.